Become a Tough and Tender Listener: A User’S Guide to Rewarding Communication

By Shirley Brackett Mathey

Would you like people to listen and make a positive difference in their relationship with others?
We will:
Identify listening responses.
Separate and practice the listening skills into a understandable process.
Recognize appropriate patterns of listening.
Develop an appreciation for the appropriate listening response.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 31, 2012
• ISBN: 9781468577020

Shirley Brackett Mathey

Shirley Brackett Mathey has used these innovative materials for years and produced wonderful results with people. Creative instructor for 26 years at Lincoln Park High School, Shirley developed many innovative materials (slide presentations, flashcards sequences, and group activities). She wrote her first book on Classroom Activities in 1975. Students referred to her as the best teacher they ever had. She worked in advisory roles for school organizations, served as a supervisory teacher for Wayne University, Eastern Michigan and Michigan State Universities. She personally counseled many troubled students, and initiated a weekly classroom peer group counseling sessions. Scores of written appreciations and continuing relationships validate the positive influence upon the lives of young people. Shirley was active in high school with 4 H Club, attended Miniwanca’s leadership conference program and received became one of the six chiefs during the 4th year, attended University of Arkansas, University of Michigan and Eastern Michigan Colleges to receive two Masters programs in Family Life Education and Guidance and Counseling. Shirley is married to her college friend Court Mathey, after her first husband Glenn Brackett died. She has one son Robert Glenn Brackett, Jr, and 2 grandchildren.

Book preview

BECOME A 

 TOUGH AND TENDER 

 LISTENER

A User’s Guide 

 to 

 REWARDING COMMUNICATION

Shirley Brackett Mathey

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2012 by Shirley Brackett Mathey. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/24/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-7700-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-7701-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-7702-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012906204

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Chapter 1    ATTENTION

Chapter 2    AWARENESS

Chapter 3    UNDERSTANDING

Chapter 4    PURPOSES

Chapter 5    SKILLS

Chapter 6    RISK YOURSELF

Shirley Brackett Mathey has used these innovative materials for years and produced wonderful results with people. Creative instructor for 26 years at Lincoln Park High School, Shirley developed many innovative materials (slide presentations, flashcards sequences, and group activities). She wrote her first book on Classroom Activities in 1975. Students referred to her as the best teacher they ever had. She worked in advisory roles for school organizations, served as a supervisory teacher for Wayne University, Eastern Michigan and Michigan State Universities. She personally counseled many troubled students, and initiated a weekly classroom peer group counseling sessions. Scores of written appreciations and continuing relationships validate the positive influence upon the lives of young people.

Shirley was active in high school, was leader in 4H club, attended Camp Miniwanca’s leadership conference program and received became one of the six chiefs during the 4th year, attended University of Arkansas, University of Michigan and Eastern Michigan Colleges to receive two Masters programs in Family Life Education and Guidance and Counseling.

Shirley is married to her college friend Court Mathey, after her first husband Glenn Brackett died. She has one son Robert Glenn Brackett, Jr, and two grandchildren.

image001.jpg

Formerly a popular high school teacher and counselor, Shirley Mathey, now a retired helper around town, also worked as an inspirational speaker and seminar leader who presented her RELATIONSHIP TRAINING to business, civic and educational groups.

Mrs. Mathey’s credentials include a Bachelors Degree in Home Economics from the University of Arkansas, a Master Degree in Family Life from Michigan State University and a second Masters in Guidance and Counseling from Eastern Michigan University.

What Is A Friend?

What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can go naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing—only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on guard. You can say what you think so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meanness and absurdities and in opening them up to him they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, and tolerate him. Best of all you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges all you do. He is like wine that warms you to the bone. You can weep with him, laugh with him, and pray with him. Through and underneath it all he sees, knows and loves you. A friend is one with whom you dare to be yourself.

C. RAYMOND BERAN

Dedicated to my

childhood friend

Olive Rebecca Jackson Vaughn

image004.jpg

Shirley and Olive

who listened to me,

laughed with me,

sang with me,

loved me,

and helped me grow

by

being my equal.

Chapter 1

ATTENTION

Listening Isn’t Taught

1/3 Attention

The 1st Rule of Communication

May I Have Your Attention

Breaking Through

Onion Approach

Listening Responsibility

Speaking is Vital To Listening

Five Central Listening Guideposts

LISTENING

ISN’T TAUGHT

Listening Isn’t Taught

Listening is a process, not an occurrence. It is a skill that needs to be learned yet it isn’t taught in schools. Even though we use speaking and listening far more in everyday life, educational institutions place far more emphasis on reading and neglect teaching listening skills in schools. Listening as a skill is taken for granted, and in doing so is totally ignored.

Dr. Lyman K. Steil of Communication Development Inc. shows in his studies we spend 80% of our waking hours communicating, with 45% of that time spent listening. Although listening is continuous, it has a beginning, middle, and end. It has purpose, procedures, and is extremely practical. It solves complex problems and is very creative and enjoyable.

Listening is our first communication skill; children understand