Hogwash for Hamsters: A Light-Hearted Look at the Hobby of Amateur Radio

By Jerry Spring

The author investigates the humor behind amateur radio, a hobby that has captivated numerous people throughout the world for almost a century. Contrary to popular belief, the hobby continues to grow as it develops and incorporates new technologies, including digital communications, computers, internet, satellites, and so on. While some are into building their own equipment, others are more focused on chasing faint signals in distant lands or competing for bragging rights in various contests. Most would gladly consider themselves as nerds for it takes a lot of dedication and knowledge to obtain a license and successfully operate a radio station. Among all the technical mumbo-jumbo, however, there is a lighter side, which is brought out in Hogwash for Hamsters. When we take ourselves less seriously, we become even better ambassadors to the world. So enjoy the limericks, songs, riddles, one liners, and stories. It might just make your day a little brighter.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Nov 19, 2008
• ISBN: 9781426940514

Jerry Spring

Jerry Spring was born in 1957, in Windsor Ontario and received his amateur radio license at the age of fifteen. After a degree in physics from York University, Jerry went to work in Calgary as an exploration geophysicist in 1980. His career took him literally around the world, living in such places as Houston, Jakarta, Sydney, Buenos Aires, Calgary, and others. He is married to Marisela and has a teenage daughter, Alexandra (both born in Texas). It was when visiting the ham radio station at the Ontario Science Centre in Toronto a few years ago with his family that the ham radio bug bit again. Since then, Jerry has been active in many aspects of the hobby. ‰*ÏHogwash for Hamsters‰** satisfies Jerry‰*ªs creative need for writing with his fondness of amateur radio. Jerry‰*ªs other interests include Bluegrass banjo, photography, and languages. He continues to work and live in Calgary, Alberta.

Book preview

Contents

Dedication

Preface

If At First…

Sound Familiar?

Heavenly DX

Wild DX

Oldie But Goodie

Too Close to Home

Special Ring Tone

Cliché Department

One For The Birds

Essential Q Signals – Their Real Meaning:

The Good Old Days

Remember When:

Field Day Fun

Did You Know?

Ham Terms Defined For the Younger Generation:

Resistance to Change

Club Rules?

A Rarity

Murphy’s Laws for Ham Radio

Ham Radio Abbreviations in Simple English

Like Father…

Ham Folklore

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Men are from Mars…?

Patience, Patience

Nursery Rhymes – Ham Style

Little Jack Horner

Hickory Dickory Dock

Little Miss Muffet

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

There Was an Old Woman

The Grand Old Duke of York

Moses Supposes

Other Popular Nursery Rhymes

Why is it?

Ham Want Ads

Contesting Rules for Occasional Contesters

Traffic Problem

Three Wishes

Dumb Things We Never Admit To

Advantages of CW over SSB

Actual Online Ads

Ten Good Things That Have Happened as a Result of My Tower Application

It’s About Time

That Ham I am

Elmer’s Diner Menu

Amplifier Trouble

How To Be An Effective Contester

WAS Trouble

Just in Time

Newbie Talk

Take This Job And…

Anatomy Lesson

Cheap Gear

Stealth Antennas

THE DOUBLE SANTA LOOP

Caught the Mobile Bug?

More Riddles

Silly Question

How to be a Hit with the Neighbors

Antique Radio Repair

An Old Story

Spot the DX

Food for Thought

Ham Radio Weather Forecast

Pushing Buttons

International Phonetics

Rhetorical Questions

Dear Liddy

HAM SONGS

I’ve been workin’ on the Morse Code

How Much is that Yagi in the Window?

The Ham Radio Fair

Down In My Station

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Undisclosed Reasons for Selling Equipment

Reasons for Selling Equipment

Limericks

Hall of Famer

Up in Smoke

Ham Specialty Shop

Check Log

SCHLEPPIR ANTENNA

HONEYDOO™ Headphones

More Laws and Observations

Real On-The-Air Experiences

Oldie but Goodie

One Upsmanship

The Flood

The End

Dedication

To my wife, Marisela, for putting up with such a demanding hobby.

And to my teenage daughter, Aly, for putting up with the embarrassment of having a 40’ tower in the back yard.

Preface

I became interested in amateur radio in elementary school, after discovering a book on the subject in the school library. My dad then bought me a crystal radio kit and several years later, a Heathkit shortwave receiver. I became an avid SWLer but never thought I was smart enough to get a ham radio license. One day I met a guy at school who had just moved into the neighborhood and had just passed his general class exam. He convinced me it that if he could do it, so could I. After borrowing his study material and his Morse code records, I too passed the exam and soon had a meager station on the air. Unfortunately, the demands of higher education (physics degree), work (geophysicist) and family, led me away from the hobby for over 25 years. It was in the summer of 2004 that I rediscovered Ham Radio while taking my family to the Ontario Science Centre in Toronto. One CW QSO on their station and I was hooked again! I then built a modest station in Calgary, Alberta, where I managed to get my DXCC and participate in a lot of contests (thanks to an understanding XYL). I’ve really enjoyed learning about the technology I’ve missed in those years away from the hobby and am amazed at how far things have progressed. The other thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of hams take themselves too seriously. Perhaps this is the reason for writing this book. Even though we are a bunch of nerds, we must keep in mind that this is only a hobby and it is important to laugh at ourselves every now and then. I’ve tried to be original in my writing but realize that some of this hogwash may seem a little familiar to some of you hamsters – as great minds often think alike. I hope you enjoy reading this book as much as I did working on it.

73 and CU on the air!

Jerry, VE6CNU

If At First…

Bill has been trying to work a rare DX station through a massive pile-up. He just needs one more for the honor roll and the poor guy has tried every technique in the book. Night after night he has spent countless hours in his dimly lit shack trying to outguess the other operators. He has even gone to the length of replacing the finals in his legal limit amplifier, and still no luck. After three hours of screaming out his call on this, the fifth night in a row, the DX station finally says, Going QRT. It’s been fun guys, but this was our last night on the island. We’ll have all the logs posted on our website in a week or so. 73 and Thanks.

Bill, who forgets his VOX is still on shouts out, OH I GIVE UP! Suddenly the DX station comes back, The station beginning with OI... the station beginning with OI, please repeat your call…

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Sound Familiar?

Elmer: I just bought a new rig.

Newbie: What’s it do?

Elmer: Well, this baby does just about everything. It’s HF, VHF, UHF, FM, AM, SSB, CW, PSK, FSK, and uses DDS and high power MOS-FET amps for clean output. It also has two DSP processors, digital IF filter in the AGC loop and the NB, NR, MNF and ANF keys are directly accessible via the TFT display on the front.

Newbie: But what does it do in English?

Heavenly DX

Two hams, Charlie and Jake, have been ragchewing on 75 meters about the possibility of ham radio in heaven. Charlie is convinced that decades of experience must count for something in the world to come. Jake, who has argued with Charlie for over 50 years, naturally takes up the opposite position – that we just simply add to the natural QRN of the cosmos. Suddenly, the voice of their ham friend, Reverend Jones breaks in