A Thousand Creeping Things

By Collin Landis

"A Thousand Creeping Things" collects over 18 short tales of the fantastic, terrifying, and just plain weird. Referred to by readers as "the Twilight Zone of print," "A Thousand Creeping Things" defies both genre and period with stories spanning from ancient Rome to the far-flung futures of humanity. Fans of suspense, horror, science fiction, new weird, or bizarro will feel right at home between its pages.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Collin Landis
• Release date: Feb 13, 2015

Collin Landis

Author Collin Landis has been writing weird fiction and comics since he published his first book at age 6. Needing a home for his disparate and varied works, Collin started STRANGITIES.com as a shadowy lair for his creative exploits. His first short story collection, “STRANGITIES: Volume 1” received a perfect five-star rating on Goodreads from readers, and his work has been described by fans as “The Twilight Zone of Print". Collin resides in Glendale, Arizona.

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To Brienna, Dade, Deacon & Aurora,

the only treasures I have

This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictious and any resembelence to real people or events is purely coincidental.

A Thousand Creeping Things

Copyright © 2014 by Collin Landis

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form.

www.strangities.com

twitter @strangities

facebook.com/strangities

Layout & Cover Art by Shawn Landis (virocity.com)

Table of Contents

Stuffed

Przywidzenie

Ördög

Mindy & The End of the World

Did You Hear About Randy?

Chains

The Canvas

Going Green

The Church of the Implant

Family Day

Tuesdays

Darkeworld: The Long Arm of Revenge

Human Capital

Blossom

White Hats

The More Mundane Adventures of Blue Stahli: Episode I

The More Mundane Adventures of Blue Stahli: Episode II

The More Mundane Adventures of Blue Stahli: Episode III

About the Author

Stuffed

Are you’re sure you’re ready for this?

Maria, kneeling on the bed, undid the clasp of her purple polka-dotted bra exposing even more caramel colored skin as her response.

Shane started towards the bed, but she held up a finger.

Wait, she said.

What? Shane’s stomach dropped. Getting shut down this close to....

Turn off the lights, she said, hesitated, and then continued and turn my stuffed animals around.

Shane’s hand hovered above the lightswitch as he looked down to the trunk on the floor covered in stuffed creatures of various colors, shapes, and sizes. He looked back to Maria.

Seriously?

She hesitated again, a strange look passing over her face. Biting her lip, she nodded.

Ok. Sure baby. Whatever.

Shane flicked the switch, plunging the bedroom into darkness. He paused for a beat, hoping she would think it had been long enough for him to turn the plush creatures around, and then threw himself over the gap and onto her bed, bedsprings protesting as he landed.

Maria curled against him in the darkness. Did you turn them around? she asked.

Nobody here but us, he answered, avoiding her question.

Good, she said, and kissed him.

And from their vantage point on the trunk, the plush animals stared unflinchingly into the darkness.

.......

The next morning Shane sat at his desk at his father’s law firm. At nineteen he was just beginning to consider what career he would pursue, the decision of which was made more difficult by his current job, which was to sit at a desk, occasionally look at papers, and get paid for it. Ambition hardly seemed worth the effort when he considered it. There was no way dad and his stepmom Lisa would stop supporting him; it was the best way to get back at his mom.

His cell rang. Maria. He answered.

Hey baby.

Hey, um, she paused, did you turn my animals around again before you left?

What was it with her and the stupid animals? Yeah baby, he lied. I didn’t think you’d want them left that way.

Ok good, her voice brightened.

What is it with those things anyway?

They’re from my abuela. My grandma. From when I was very little. I don’t like them... I dunno... watching, she explained.

Whatever. Oh ok.

You think I’m weird don’t you.

He thought about how he could use that to his advantage. If I did, would you prove me wrong tonight?

Maria laughed at that. You’re terrible.

No, just horny, he smiled at himself.

She sighed in mock exasperation. Ok, you can come over tonight. My dad has bowling league and my mom is going out with one of my tia’s. I’ll tell Marco he has to go to bed early again.

Two nights in a row. He’s gonna be pissed.

He can deal with it, she replied, and then purred And then, I’ll deal with you.

.......

The lights couldn’t turn green fast enough for Shane as he drove from the office back over to Maria’s that evening, music blasting from the stereo.

Come on! he yelled at the car in front of him which refused to accelerate as fast enough as his hormones required.

Turning on to Maria’s street, Shane slowed down to make sure her parent’s cars weren’t in the driveway.

It was empty.

He pulled up to the house and put the car into park. Maria was already opening the door.

Hi baby! she said as he strode up the walkway.

Hey yourself, he replied.

Marco is just finishing dinner. I told him he could watch Fighting Force and then he had to go to bed.

Awesome. Shane slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. 

Maria! Marco yelled from inside the house. 

Maria put her hands against Shane’s chest and pushed off. Shane sighed.

What?! She yelled, walking back into the house, Shane following behind her. 

Where’d all the knives go? Marco yelled from the kitchen. 

Maria and Shane walked through the living room. Shane brushed his fingers against one banister of the stairs as he past. 

Marco was standing at the island in the kitchen with peanut butter, jelly, and bread spread out before him. 

What do you mean ‘where’d all the knives go?’ Maria asked him.

Look, Marco said, pointing at the knife block. There were several empty slits of varying sizes.

I don’t know. Mom was making salsa on Wednesday. They’re probably all in the dishwasher. Here, Maria grabbed a butter knife out of the sink and rinsed it off.

Ew gross! Marco exclaimed.

It only had butter on it. Relax, Maria rolled her eyes at him. 

Hey bud, you need help making that sandwich? Shane asked him.

Naw, I’ve got it, Marco shrugged at him, scooping some peanut butter with the knife. 

Well hurry up. Fighting Force is on in ten minutes and then its bed time, Maria told him.

How come I always have to go to bed early when you come over? Marco asked Shane.

Shane smiled at him, looking to Maria for help.

Well, uh...

I watch scary movies when you go to bed. Shane comes over to make sure I don’t get THAT scared, Maria told him. 

I’m not scared! Marco protested, I could watch them too! Abuela told me the spirits keep us safe. She said she made sure of it!

And abuela used to tell ME that the spirits would be upset if I didn’t go to bed on time. So guess what?

Marco sighed and rolled his eyes. 

Fine, He said, picking up his sandwich and heading for the family room.

What is with your grandma and spirits? Shane asked Maria as she began making her own sandwich.

My grandmother was a priestess from a tribe in the jungles of Peru, Maria explained, spreading peanut butter as she spoke. My grandpa was a Catholic missionary, a very strong man. But loving. Like a bear. While on his mission he met my grandma and they fell in love. She always used to tell me she could see people’s auras, their spiritual energy. She said no one glowed like abuelo. Maria smiled faintly at the memory.  

How old were you when she died?

Me? Twelve. But Marco, he was only four or five. She used the butter knife to cut the sandwiches she had just finished. Abuelo died of cancer, and she followed him a week later. She told me in the hospital she was dying of a broken heart.

Wow, she loved him that much huh?

Maria smiled softly at the thought. Yes. She really did.

Maria! Marco’s voice came from the other room, I got some jelly on the couch!

She rolled her eyes and sighed at Shane. Coming! she yelled back to Marco. Turning to Shane she asked Baby, could you go get my sweatshirt from my room? I’m kinda chilly.

Now why would I want you to put MORE clothes on? he asked her with a smirk.

Just until you can keep me warm. Now go.

He sighed and nodded, climbing up the steps to Maria’s room. Flicking the lights on he saw everything as it had been the night before. He scooped up her hoodie from where it lay crumpled on her bed. 

I’ll be seeing you later, he told the bed, giving it a firm pat. 

.......

Marco protested and stalled for another half an hour after Fighting Force ended, but eventually Maria’s threats drove him to his bedroom. Shane waited downstairs on the couch for her, idly channel surfing. After a few minutes Maria came quietly down the stairs holding a blanket which she threw on the floor in front of the television.

What’s that for? Shane asked her.

I thought we might try something different tonight, she told him, raising one eyebrow suggestively. 

Down here? Seriously? What about your parents? Or your brother?

My brother’s door is locked, and we would hear him coming. And I just talked to my dad while Marco told him goodnight and he said he won’t be home until late. And mom NEVER comes home early when she’s out with my Tia. Relax. We’ve got the place all to ourselves.

She pulled him to his feet and tugged his t-shirt over his head in one fluid motion and then kissed him passionately. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, returning her fervor. He slid his hand inside her shirt and reached for her bra strap, but Maria suddenly pulled away, looking at him.

What? What? Shane asked, confused as to why she had stopped.

Do you have a condom? Maria asked him.

Uh..... Shane pulled out his wallet and checked all its pockets. No condom. 

We don’t NEED one... Shane started.

Uh huh. No way. You’re not the one that ends up knocked up. Maria stepped back and crossed her arms, regarding him as if appraising something for purchase. 

So um.... what do we do? Shane asked, clearly antsy. 

Well.... Maria paused, enjoying the position she had him in, I guess you COULD use one of the ones I bought. Up in my top dresser drawer...

Shane was sprinting up the stairs before she could finish. 

Quiet! Marco is trying to go to sleep! she yelled after him. 

Oh, right. Shane, already upstairs, walked over to Marco’s closed door. Sorry Marco, he whispered to it. 

S’ok, came the muffled reply.

Shane continued down the hallway to Maria’s room. He opened the door and set his sights on Maria’s dresser on the far wall.

Agony bloomed in his right ankle, climbing his leg and exploding at the base of his spine. He toppled forward with a howl, throwing his arms out to catch himself and only half succeeding, slamming his right cheek into the carpet. In his confusion he barely registered hearing the door close behind him. 

FUM...! he tried to yell instinctively from the pain, his eyes clenched tight against it, but something soft and cottony was already forcing itself into his mouth.

His tongue shoved against the dry fabric, trying to dislodge it and clear his airway to allow for his gasp of pain. Instead it pushed further in, gagging him as he struggled for air. His eyes snapped open, blurred by tears. His vision was obscured by something blue and white pressing against his face, making it difficult to breathe and clearly the source of the esophageal assault. From his prone position with his chest against the carpet his left arm was useless so he made to reach for the obstruction with his right. 

A new slash of pain erupted across his knuckles. Another came from his left calf, this one biting and deep. Two soft impacts on his back were accompanied instantly with stabbing pains that curled him into a ball. He reached again for his face, white lights clouding his vision. 

Shane found a handful of something soft and furry and flung it across the room, pulling the obstruction free from his throat. A new pain blazed hot in his side and he gasped from its intensity. Bringing his palms to his eyes he rubbed the tears from them so he could get now get a clear look at what was going on. 

Maria’s stuffed elephant, Mister Snuffles, lay against the closed bedroom door. The fake fur of his trunk was matted and wet with Shane’s saliva. In horror Shane watched as Mister Snuffles sat upright and then extended one of his stubby arms to steady himself as he climbed to his felt-padded feet. His face was as passive and friendly as ever, but as he curled a blue-white paw around the handle of one of the missing steak knives Shane began to understand where his injuries were coming from. 

Maria’s stuffed animals surrounded him, each holding a different bloodied kitchen instrument. 

What...?! He began to scream, but another animal jumped from the bed onto his back, thrusting its knife against Shane’s spine. He felt the serrations bump against bone as the blade sank. 

AAAHHH! He yelled in pain. 

The other creatures advanced on him, brandishing their knives. Shane threw his forearm across his face as a bunny slashed at his eyes, taking the damage to his arm instead of being blinded. He grabbed for the bed next to him, using it to pull himself to his knees and then climb unsteadily to his feet. 

The plush animals moved slowly and silently, closing in on his ankles. Blood poured from the wounds on his back, hand, arm and leg, turning the waist of his jeans and the carpet where it soaked in crimson. 

Mister Snuffles made to join the group around Shane, but was brushed aside into the wall as Maria opened the door. Confusion and fright twisted her face as she beheld her bloodied boyfriend surrounded by her stuffed animals brandishing knives and cleavers. She screamed. 

Maria! Help! Shane yelled at her. A turtle which had gotten close enough to Shane to take a swipe did so, cutting his jeans but missing his leg.

Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Maria ran to Shane kicking the stuffed animals out of the way as she did. Some squeaked as they bounced from wall to floor, others made loud crashing sounds as they hit the venetian blinds. She threw an arm around his waist and pulled his arm around her shoulder, bearing up under him to help take some of his weight off his damaged foot. Half dragging half hopping she pulled him out of her room. She put Shane’s hands on the stairway banister and turned back to her room. 

Mister Snuffles had emerged from being crushed against the wall by the door and was now advancing towards them past the threshold, holding a steak knife. Behind him the other animals were already climbing to their feet from the places Maria had sent them flying, each reaching for their own discarded weapons. 

Oh god! Maria said again. She stepped behind Mister Snuffles and punted, sending him over the banister and down into the family room. Her hand found the doorknob to her door and she yanked, slamming it shut. 

Maria, what’s going on? Marco stood behind her in the hallway, sleepily rubbing his eyes. 

Marco go back to you room, Maria told him, rushing to Shane’s side. From her vantage point she could see Mister Snuffles already at the foot of the stairs, beginning his ascent. 

I heard yelling, Marco mumbled.

Get in your room NOW! Maria yelled at him again. 

Blood poured from Shane’s wounds, dripping from the banister as he slumped over it for support. His right achilles tendon had been slashed, keeping him from putting any pressure on his leg at all. He had stab wounds on his left calf, his side, and covering his back. The skin was split open across the fingers on his right hand and there was a gash across the meat of his forearm. His breath came in gasps through clenched teeth. 

Marco’s eyes suddenly grew wide. What happened to Shane? he asked. 

The door to Maria’s room thumped softly as it pressed against its doorframe. Colored fur began to appear at the crack between the door’s bottom edge and the hallway carpet; the animals were pushing themselves under. On the staircase below Mister Snuffles had gained three steps already and was boosting himself up onto the forth after throwing his steak knife up.

Quick Marco, into your room. Hurry! Maria told him, putting her arm around Shane and helping him hop towards Marco’s room. Her shirt and shorts were wet with Shane’s blood and already she was having to support him more and more as he weakened from blood loss. As quickly as she could she ushered Shane’s limping form behind her brother into Marco’s room and locked the door. 

Maria helped Shane over to the bed where he collapsed. Marco stood in the far corner hugging himself in fear. 

What happened to Shane? Marco asked her again.

My stuffed animals. They... attacked him, Maria’s mind was reeling. 

Your ones from abuela? Marco asked. 

Maria nodded, tears rimming her eyes as she looked at Shane who lay on