Hedges (Paperback Edition / Redesign): Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It

By Jerry B. Jenkins, Tim LaHaye and John Perrodin

Can you really safeguard your marriage against lust, adultery, and divorce?

“Yes!” says relationship expert Jerry Jenkins, despite the barrages of tempting images and opportunities thrust before you every day. While seemingly strong marriages, even among Christian leaders, seem to fail frequently, your relationship can triumph.

His practical, biblical, real-life advice on how to plant hedges around your marriage—tailored to your personal situation—will set you on the path to victory today.

*Includes an interactive study guide for group and personal use.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Crossway Books
• Release date: Sep 30, 2013
• ISBN: 9781433543678

Jerry B. Jenkins

Jerry B. Jenkins hat bereits fast 200 Bücher geschrieben, einschließlich 21 "New York Times"-Bestseller. Mehr als 71 Millionen Exemplare seiner Werke wurden inzwischen weltweit verkauft. Er ist bekannt für seine Bibel-Romane, seine Endzeit-Romane ("Finale"-Reihe), und viele weitere Genres. Außerdem unterstützte er Billy Graham bei dessen Autobiografie, und hat zahlreiche Sport-Biografien geschrieben. Gemeinsam mit seiner Frau Dianna lebt er in Colorado Springs im US-Bundesstaat Colorado. Sie haben drei erwachsene Söhne. Einer von ihnen, Dallas, ist der Erfinder, Co-Autor und Regisseur der TV-Serie "The Chosen".

Book preview

Thank you for downloading this Crossway book.

Sign-up for the Crossway Newsletter for updates on special offers, new resources, and exciting global ministry initiatives:

Crossway Newsletter

Or, if you prefer, we would love to connect with you online:

Facebook

Twitter

Google +

"Every couple who values lifelong love must read Hedges. In no-nonsense language, Jerry Jenkins provides a clear-cut plan for all of us who want to guard our marriages against sexual saboteurs. This plan is biblical, grounded, realistic, and practical. Don’t leave your relationship vulnerable to unnecessary temptation. Plant a protective hedge. Do it today. This book will show you how."

D

R

. L

ES

and L

ESLIE

P

ARROT

, Seattle Pacific University, authors of Love Talk

"Hedges is a unique book because it doesn’t just tell men how to solve their marital problems. Instead it empowers them to build a defensive wall around their marriages, preventing serious problems before they begin."

J

OSH

M

C

D

OWELL

, author of More Than a Carpenter

When Jerry Jenkins puts words on paper, be certain of this—he has important words to share and he will share them well. That’s why we treasure him and his books.

M

AX

L

UCADO

, best-selling author

Jesus said it himself, ‘There will always be temptation.’ Gifted writer Jerry Jenkins gives us all the encouragement to build healthy hedges that protect our marriages and families. Hard-hitting, realistic, and passionate, Jerry provides motivation for married couples to stay intimately close!

D

R

. K

EVIN

L

EMAN

, author of Sheet Music

An easy read, practical and captivating. Every couple should read this book. If Christian couples applied the principles of ‘hedges,’ the divorce rate would be zero. With all my heart, I wish my own father had applied these guidelines. It would have prevented untold misery from the divorce I and my brothers and sisters had to endure from our fractured family, broken because of the lack of hedges.

R

OBERT

D

ANIELS

, author of The War Within: Gaining Victory in the Battle for Sexual Purity

"Hedges is the perfect prescription for our time. With remarkable candor, Jerry Jenkins has penned a blueprint for protecting our marriages. Read it and pass it on to those you care about!"

D

R

. G

ARY

and B

ARBARA

R

OSBERG

, America’s Family Coaches, authors of Divorce-Proof Your Marriage and co-hosts of America’s Family Coaches

Hedges, Revised Edition

Copyright © 2005 by Jerry B. Jenkins

First published as Hedges, 1989; reprinted as Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It, 2000

Published by Crossway

1300 Crescent Street

Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided by USA copyright law.

Cover design: Erik Maldre

Cover image: Shutterstock

Revised edition, first printing 2005 

Reprinted with new cover 2012 

Printed in the United States of America 

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The New King James Version. Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. 

Scripture quotations marked 

KJV

 are from the King James Version of the Bible. 

Scripture references marked

NIV

 are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. 

The use of selected references from various versions of the Bible in this publication does not necessarily imply publisher endorsement of the versions in their entirety

Trade Paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-3155-2 

PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-1543-9 

Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-0737-3 

ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-1792-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Jenkins, Jerry B.

Hedges : loving your marriage enough to protect it / Jerry B. Jenkins. — Rev. ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references. 

ISBN 1-58134-664-6 (hc : alk. paper) 

1. Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title.

BV835.J46       2005

2005001131

248.8'44—dc22

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

VP             23    22    21    20    19    18    17    16    15    14    13

15    14    13    12    11    10     9     8    7     6     5   4    3     2    1

T

O

D

IANNA

, of course

Thanks to John Perrodin

for research assistance

and for writing the study guide

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

Ever since Jerry Jenkins and I met and began our collaboration on the Left Behind series, I have been hearing about hedges. Jerry would frequently talk about the fact that all married couples have a need for hedges. Puzzled at first, I soon realized he ­wasn’t referring to some type of landscaping accessory. No, he was talking about an essential element required to maintain a lifelong marriage relationship. The key was to build hedges around your marriage in order to protect it.

With half of all marriages ending in divorce, there has never been a more critical time than right now for a book such as this. Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It will specifically tell you how to plant hedges against temptations—temptations that can ruin a marriage and bring devastation to a family in the blink of an eye.

The enemies of marriage are all around and are increasing in number every day. Internet porn, chat rooms, and the constant barrage of immoral messages from movies and television are but a few. We are seeing the results of the sexual revolution and moral relativism play out in front of our eyes. Spiritual leaders fall. Our friends, neighbors, and families split up. Pain, suffering, and emotional devastation spiral out of control. Children of divorce not only suffer during childhood but often continue the pattern into their own adult lives.

As I’m sure you know, being a Christian does not eliminate temptation from your life. Quite the contrary. If we look at statistics, Christian marriages are dissolving due to infidelity at a frightening rate. The apostle Paul advises us to flee temptation, which is good advice. Jerry Jenkins takes that admonition from the Bible one step further and gives us practical suggestions on how to plan for and deal with such situations.

Recently my wife, Beverly, and I celebrated our fiftyseventh wedding anniversary. After reading this book, I realized that we had already been practicing many of the recommendations Jerry outlines here. For us, they were something that came from our study of God’s Word, and I must say, they have greatly contributed to the continued success and enjoyment of our marriage. But we live in a different culture now. The pressures and temptations coming against marriages today are far worse than when Bev and I first fell in love and promised to stay together for the rest of our lives (or at least until the Lord came!). What was obvious to us fifty-seven years ago has been completely lost on today’s generation of married couples.

To some, many of Jerry’s suggestions will seem archaic, prudish, and even downright silly. Some may even be tempted to say, You’ve got to be kidding! But that only demonstrates just how far the moral fabric of our society has been torn apart in recent years. Even Jerry himself will admit to feeling somewhat embarrassed when discussing these ideas with others. But the thing is, they work. And with the stakes as high as they are, they are necessary.

Not long ago a friend and his wife, pillars in the Christian community, went through a horrendous divorce. Not only were they and their children emotionally damaged, but the twenty-year-old ministry they had built together was ruined. The wife, who had been praying for reconciliation, appears to have been hit the hardest. And it remains to be seen what lasting impact the divorce will have upon the children. I truly believe that if this couple, particularly the husband, had been practicing the principles outlined in this book throughout their marriage, it never would have ended in divorce.

You may say that your marriage is strong and therefore you have no need for a book such as this. To which I would respond that’s all the more reason to read it. You see, this is a book of preventative medicine. Putting into practice its recommendations will insure that your marriage remains strong, healthy, and joyous from here on out.

Thanks, Jerry, for a wonderful book that is at once funny, romantic, eye-opening, biblical, and very helpful.

Tim LaHaye

Author/Minister

INTRODUCTION: MY GIFT

Ihave a list of rather prudish rules that I used to be embarrassed to speak of except to my wife, to whom they are a gift of love.

These rules are intended to protect my eyes, my heart, my hands, and therefore my marriage. I say these rules appear prudish because my mentioning them when necessary has elicited squints, scowls, and not-so-hidden smiles of condescension. In outlining them here, I risk implying that without following my list, I would plunge into all manner of affairs.

I direct the rules initially toward appearances, because I’ve found that if I take care of how things look, I take care of how they are. In other words, if I am never alone with an unrelated female because it might not look appropriate, I have eliminated the possibility that anything inappropriate will take place.

In enforcing my own rules I don’t mean to insult the many virtuous women who might otherwise have very legitimate reasons to meet or dine with me without the slightest temptation to have designs on me. Simply hedges, that’s all these rules are.

As much as people don’t like to hear, read, or talk about it, the fact is that most Christian men do not have victory over lust. I have a theory about that. Scripture does not imply that we ever shall have victory over lust the way we are expected to win over worry or greed or malice. Rather, Paul instructs Timothy, and thus us, not to conquer or stand and fight, or pray about or resolve, but to flee lust.

I know he specifies youthful lust, but I don’t believe he’s limiting it to a certain age, but rather is describing it, regardless at what age it occurs. The little boy in me will have to flee lust until I flee life.

Think about that. Isn’t that freeing? For how many years have we males resolved to quit lusting, to put away impure thoughts, to keep our minds pure regardless of what images the media might offer them? We’ve turned over new leaves in other areas of our lives. We may have become more sensitive, more helpful, more spiritual, better husbands, better fathers—yes, sometimes in large part because we decided to and applied ourselves.

But this, this dirty little secret, bites when we least expect it and despite all our human efforts. What’s wrong with us? Yes, God designed us this way, and yet there are clear biblical mandates against sexual impurity. Trying to conquer lust, and failing, is maddening, frustrating. Until we get the message from Paul that we aren’t expected to even try. Don’t work at it. Don’t study it. Don’t pray about it. We’re given permission to flee! Head for the hills. Run for your life.

I don’t know about you, but that takes a lot of pressure off me. Oh, I’d much rather be known as a mature Christian who is above all that youthful lust. It gives me no pleasure to have to say, sorry, you’ve got the wrong guy. But at least I don’t have to suffer and fail over and over because I just can’t manage. I don’t have to manage. All I have to do is flee.

That tells me that God understands. He gave me these triggers, these eyes, these hormones, this libido, and not solely for my own gratification. And He designed all this so well that He can’t even trust me to be a faithful steward of it. He wants me to be, of course, and He instructs me to be. But in my own strength I fail every time. And instead of condemnation, God offers an out. An escape. Literally. Flee. You’ve got to love that.

Now, to be realistic, I don’t want to be turning tail and running all the time. That’s a great out when temptation sneaks up on you, but to me there’s wisdom in planning ahead, planting hedges against situations that lend themselves to temptation.

I have planted hedges around myself to protect me, my wife, my family, my employer, my church, and supremely, the reputation of Christ. I share them not to boast, but to admit that I’m still fleeing and in the hope that they might be of some benefit to you.

I’m a layman, a novelist and biographer—not a Bible scholar, psychologist, or counselor. Frankly, that might be an advantage in this endeavor. I’m coming at this as a fellow-struggler, not as an expert. I want to be Bible-based, of course, but not heavily theological and certainly not theoretical. I’ll leave the psychology to those so trained and will try to emphasize the practical. Bottom line, I want to provide handles, something to grab on to, something you can use to protect your marriage.

Sad to say, this has never been as crucial as it is today. It ­wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve lost count—as I have—of the number of friends and relatives and Christian leaders whose marriages have imploded. Surprised that people have fallen to temptation? Hardly. Embarrassed for the church? For the reputation of Christ? Yes. And frustrated that too many have missed the message of Scripture that the escape is easier than they thought: flee.

Let me clarify: My hedges may not be your hedges. You may need to plant some where I never dreamed they would be needed, and vice versa. Resist the urge to get caught up in what a weak, paranoid guy I must be. Rather, if my hedge applies, plant it; if it ­doesn’t, plant one of your own where you need it.

Your marriage, and the church, will be the better