The Toybag Guide to Playing With Taboo

By Mollena Williams

For those turned on to giving or receiving power, the hottest fantasies are often those that are the least acceptable -- those that mirror historical oppression (Nazism, plantation slavery), crime (incest, ageplay, rape), and other "unacceptable" behaviors. Because these fantasies are deeply charged, they are among the riskiest and most challenging to enact. Yet it is possible, and often very rewarding, to do so. In this guide, Mollena Williams, a Black woman who enjoys roleplaying racism and slavery with the right person, explains ways to safeguard these difficult scenes to ensure the emotional and physical safety of all concerned. With sections on playing with sexual taboos like age and rape, cultural taboos like race and identity, and physical taboos like scat play, this is a thorough and responsible guide to BDSM's furthest regions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Greenery Press
• Release date: Mar 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9780937609507

Book preview

1. INTRODUCTION: THE LURE OF THE TABOO

The forbidden lures us with its frisson of shame and taboo. We may, aloud or in mixed company, shun that which our friends and loved ones, broader society and even our cultural history also shun as unacceptable. Uncivilized. Disgusting."

Aberrant.

And yet…

Many of us crave those forbidden fruits.

Whether you are an advanced BDSM practitioner with decades of experience, or a neophyte peering under the curtains of your fantasies into a dark and alluring new world, it is likely that the verboten nature of alternative sexuality is one facet of the fascination.

We have come a long way from the days when young boys in schools were showed films detailing the harms of masturbation, and women were instructed that the way to marital health was douching with Lysol. But despite the so-called sexual revolution, some practices and lifestyle choices still fall outside of the realm of Polite Society — even "Polite Perverted Society."

Kinksters can generally agree about at least some aspects of alternative sexuality. The ideas of Safe, Sane & Consensual and Risk-Aware Consensual Kink are touchstones for many BDSM practitioners. If you are at a munch, on a mailing list, or posting on a kink-centric website, and you talk about the flogging scene you did last weekend or ask a question about the type of rope you purchased at the kink convention, few will bat an eye. You may, however, find the reception a bit cooler if you pipe up on a discussion list with questions about the safety of scat play. And you had best brace yourself for a firestorm if you decide to reveal your thoughts about that Nazi interrogation role-play scene you’ve been pondering.

When I first entered the BDSM community, I felt that I’d finally found my people — that I’d stumbled into a wonderful group of like-minded free-spirited freaks who would, of course, accept me as I was and accept the full spectrum of my desires as OK.

I quickly learned that the BDSM community was a microcosm, not a utopia. All of the prejudices, fears, biases and issues we trudge through in the outside world are tracked into dungeon and discourse, making for a Byzantine labyrinth of hot-button emotional issues.

Imagine the blow when you finally suss out your lusts and realize that, once again, you are an outsider. The age-player who realizes that the darkly sexual incestuous undertones of his preferred game is too much and shouldn’t be practiced. The coprophiliac who finds herself the target of unkind jokes from other kinksters. The black submissive with fantasies of degradation at the hands of a white play-partner who is called a traitor to the race, self-hating, and desperately in need of immediate reparative therapy.

Yes, that last one is particularly close to the bone for me. As a black woman in 21st-century America, I’ve learned to my dismay that some fantasies veer into the realm of Thought Crime. Such fantasies can, according to some, cast a long, long shadow into the history of my ancestors. When what gets you hot is so dangerous and threatening that it alienates you from peers, community and friends, that sensation of freedom loses some of its thrill—to say the least.

But that doesn’t mean you have to crawl back into the depth of your personal purgatory, alone and ashamed. In the same way that the pioneers of the leather community had to make a space for themselves in their various communities, we who practice edgier and more taboo play-styles need to find our voice and our feet, and leave our shame in the dust.

Many people with edgier paraphilias may shrug and say they are just made that way; they might have no capacity to explain why they crave what they crave, any more then they can explain a preference for rice over beans or sparkling water over still.

In the same way that compulsion can lead down a dark path, the emotional decriminalization of your impulses, desires and feelings is an important key to letting your mind frolic in those swampy places. I personally feel it is highly uncool to deprive someone of their fundamental rights in order to get your rocks off… but I do believe that exploring a facsimile of that desire in a consensual kink setting between consenting adults can be healing, healthy and a helluva lot of fun.

 There are as many ways to play within the BDSM community as there are people who are practitioners. From the guy who just likes to feel overpowered by his lover with hands held above his head, to the hardcore pervert spending every weekend in a local dungeon in full leathers with a

Reviews for The Toybag Guide to Playing With Taboo

[Shivanshu Katiyar · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Mind blowing