Let Them Go: The Art of Releasing Other People's Expectations and Embracing Your True Self

By Anita Maddison

Let Them Go is a guide for anyone tired of carrying the weight of other people's expectations.

This book shows you how to focus on your own actions and decisions. It g

• Language: English
• Publisher: Olasis Publishers
• Release date: Feb 21, 2025
• ISBN: 9798348558147

Book preview

LET

THEM

GO

The Art of Releasing Other People's Expectations and Embracing Your True Self

ANITA MADDISON

Copyright © 2025, Anita Maddison. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Illusion of Control

1.1 What Is Control?

The Basics of Control

Control as a Mental Construct

The Real Cost of Control

1.2 The Habit of Seeking Approval

How Approval Became Your Default

The Downside of Approval

Breaking the Cycle

1.3 The Cost of Chasing External Approval

Energy Drained by Approval-Seeking

The Price of Inauthenticity

How Approval-Seeking Holds You Back

1.4 Shifting Your Focus: What You Can Control

The Core Principle

Direct Your Energy Where It Counts

A Simple Framework

Practical Exercises

Real-Life Shifts

1.5 Practical Experiments and Real-Life Examples

The Approval Detox

The Daily Victory Journal

Real-Life Example: The Reluctant Leader

Real-Life Example: The Creative Breakthrough

1.6 Building New Habits and Overcoming Setbacks

Creating a Habit of Self-Trust

Overcoming Setbacks

Bullet-Point Strategies to Overcome Setbacks

Daily Rituals for Habit-Building

The Next Step

Chapter 2: Breaking Free from Society’s Expectations

1. How Cultural, Family, and Societal Pressures Shape Your Decisions

1.1 Cultural Influence

1.2 Family Pressures

1.3 Societal Pressures

1.4 Daily Influences

1.5 Actionable Steps to Recognize External Influence

2. Identifying Outdated or Limiting Beliefs About Success, Love, and Happiness

2.1 Recognizing Outdated Beliefs

2.2 Examining Limiting Beliefs

2.3 Gathering Evidence Against Old Beliefs

2.4 Exercises to Uncover Your Own Beliefs

2.5 Building New, Empowering Beliefs

2.6 Real-Life Examples and Personal Stories

2.7 Practical Steps to Rewrite Your Beliefs

2.8 Daily Reminders and Habit Building

3. Defining Your Own Values and Living in Alignment with Them

3.1 Understanding the Role of Values

3.2 Identifying Your Core Values

3.3 Living in Alignment with Your Values

3.4 Checking in With Yourself

3.5 Overcoming the Pull of External Values

3.6 Creating a Personal Action Plan

3.7 Real-Life Practice and Examples

3.8 Exercises to Solidify Your Values

3.9 Building a Supportive Environment

3.10 Monitoring Progress and Celebrating Wins

4. Integrating It All: A Personal Roadmap

4.1 Step-by-Step Roadmap

4.2 Putting It into Practice

4.3 Questions for Daily Reflection

4.4 Using Data to Track Your Change

4.5 The Role of Consistency

5. Wrapping It Together

5.1 Key Takeaways

5.2 Your Next Steps

5.3 A Final Reflection

Chapter 3: Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt

Part 1: How Fear of Judgment Keeps You Stuck

Part 2: Reframing Failure and Rejection as Growth

Part 3: Building Unshakable Confidence from Within

Chapter 4: Letting Go of Comparison

Understanding Comparison

How Social Media Fuels Insecurity and Self-Doubt

Why Comparison is a Distraction from Your Own Path

Turning Comparison into Inspiration Instead of Competition

Practical Strategies to Let Go of Comparison

Building a Focus on Your Own Growth

A 30-Day Challenge to Let Go of Comparison

Chapter 5: Detaching from the Opinions of Others

Understanding Why People’s Opinions Don’t Define You

Handling Criticism Without Letting It Shake Your Confidence

Practicing Radical Self-Acceptance

Practical Exercises

Long-Term Strategies for Detachment

Chapter 6: Setting Boundaries with Confidence

Part 1: How to Say No Without Guilt

Part 2: Recognizing When Relationships Drain Your Energy

Part 3: Protecting Your Peace While Staying Compassionate

Chapter 7: Letting People Be Who They Are

Part 1: Understanding That You Cannot Change Others

Part 2: How to Accept Loved Ones Without Taking Their Actions Personally

Part 3: When to Walk Away vs. When to Adjust Your Expectations

Chapter 8: Cultivating Healthy and Fulfilling Relationships

The Value of Healthy Relationships

Attracting Friendships and Partnerships That Uplift You

Releasing Toxic Patterns and Unhealthy Attachments

Creating Deep, Meaningful Connections Without Control

Practical Exercises and Reflections

Maintaining Your Relationships Over Time

Chapter 9: Letting Go of the Perfect Life Myth

The Perfect Life Myth Explained

The Origins of the Myth

The Cost of Chasing Perfection

Rigid Definitions of Success and Happiness

Examining Common Beliefs

The Pitfalls of External Measures

Steps to Break Free from the Myth

The Role of Mindset in Redefining Success

The Impact of Small, Consistent Actions

Chapter 10: Finding Purpose Without Pressure

Following Your Passions Without Fear of Failure

Releasing the Need for Validation in Your Career and Creative Pursuits

Building Confidence Through Clear Actions

Chapter 11: Building Resilience Against Stress and Negativity

Chapter 12: Living with Unshakable Confidence

Embracing Uncertainty as Part of the Journey

Daily Habits That Reinforce Self-Trust and Inner Peace

Letting Go, Once and for All: A Lifelong Practice

Building a Foundation for Unshakable Confidence

Conclusion

Introduction

You have spent many days and nights caught in the grip of other people’s expectations. You have worried about what friends, family, or colleagues think of your choices. You have adjusted your actions to please those who cannot be controlled. This habit drains your energy and clouds your mind. It prevents you from pursuing your own goals and dreams.

You may notice that you hesitate to speak your mind. You may avoid decisions that could spark disapproval. You may replay conversations in search of hidden meanings. These patterns are common. They cost you time, focus, and inner peace.

This book offers you a clear path. It shows you how to release the hold of external opinions. It teaches you to invest your energy in your own decisions. You will learn to trust your actions and build habits that serve your true self.

I know what this struggle feels like. I once spent years trying to manage other people’s thoughts and expectations. I adjusted my behavior to avoid conflict and gain approval. I doubted my choices and sacrificed my own dreams. I spent countless hours wondering if I had done enough to earn acceptance. Then I realized that my energy belonged with me alone. I decided to shift my focus and invest in my own growth. That choice brought clarity and relief. Today, I share this process with you.

Letting go does not mean you care less about others. It means you decide that your own thoughts and feelings deserve more attention. It means you recognize that you cannot control what others do or say. Your energy is better spent on actions that move you toward your goals.

You may ask yourself:

What if I stopped worrying about others’ opinions?

What if I directed my energy only toward my own growth?

What opportunities would open if I focused on my actions rather than external expectations?

The answers to these questions can reshape your life. By letting go, you free your mind for new ideas and clearer choices. You begin to notice small wins—a decision made quickly, a moment of calm, a step taken toward your dream.

Below are some benefits you can expect when you embrace the power of letting go:

Your mind clears. You spend less time second-guessing.

You build inner strength. You trust your decisions.

You create space. Energy saved from worrying can fuel your goals.

Your relationships improve. They become based on genuine connection.

Your days gain focus. Each action aligns with what matters most to you.

This introduction shows you the power of releasing burdens that are not yours to carry. It explains why you cling to the expectations of others and how this habit limits your potential.

You have experienced moments when the weight of expectations stifled your creativity or delayed your progress. You might recall a time when a comment or a look made you question your path. Perhaps you spent hours analyzing a simple message, trying to fix something that was never broken. Those moments add up. They become a habit that hinders you from living fully.

Imagine a day when you wake up without that weight. Imagine making decisions that feel true to you. Imagine spending your energy on building a life that reflects your own values, not someone else’s vision. This is the promise of letting go.

Let us explore the reasons behind holding on to expectations. From early childhood, you learn that approval is a sign of acceptance. You learn that fitting in makes life smoother. Over time, this belief grows into a habit. You begin to define your worth by the opinions of others. You work hard to avoid disapproval, often at the cost of your own happiness.

Take a moment to list common scenarios:

You agree to plans even when you have your own ideas.

You hold back on sharing your thoughts in meetings.

You delay your decisions for fear of criticism.

You re-read messages repeatedly to catch a hint of judgment.

You feel anxious before reaching out to someone important.

Each scenario is a reminder that your actions are influenced by external expectations. When you focus on what is beyond your control, you lose sight of what you can change—your own behavior.

The idea behind this book is simple. You cannot manage other people. You cannot force someone to see your value. But you can manage your own actions. You can choose what to focus on. You can build habits that reinforce your inner strength.

A few simple steps help you start the process:

Notice when you feel burdened by an external opinion.

Pause and ask yourself if this worry is worth your energy.

Decide to focus on your own actions instead.

Write down your thoughts and reflect on them.

Practice these steps every day.

These actions build habits. Habits that free you from the endless chase for approval. Habits that encourage you to act on your own behalf. Habits that slowly change your life.

I invite you to reflect on your own experiences. Think of a time when you held back because you worried about someone else’s view. Write down what happened. Ask yourself:

What did I lose by letting this expectation control me?

What could I have achieved if I had focused on my own needs?

What small step can I take to change this pattern?

Let these reflections guide you. They offer a glimpse of the freedom that comes when you invest in yourself. They show you that letting go is not an act of neglect but an act of self-care.

Every day, you face choices. Some choices seem small. Some choices feel big. But every choice builds your habits. When you choose to let go, you choose to live a life where your decisions come from within. You choose to reclaim your energy.

I once faced a day when every decision felt heavy. I worried about how a friend would react to a comment. I re-read a message until it felt distorted by my doubts. I let a single remark shape my mood for hours. That day, I learned that the more I focused on what others thought, the less I trusted my own judgment. I realized that I needed to shift my focus.

I began by keeping a simple journal. I wrote down moments when I felt the need for approval. I noted the impact of those moments. Slowly, I observed a change. When I let go of the need for immediate approval, my mind felt lighter. I made decisions faster and with more confidence. The energy saved from worrying fueled my progress. This change did not occur overnight. It came through repeated, small acts of letting go.

You can start this journey right now. Look at your daily routine. Notice the moments when external opinions interfere with your plans. Recognize these as opportunities to practice letting go. With each instance, you build a habit that shifts your focus from the opinions of others to your own inner voice.

Below is a simple list of actions to begin today:

Identify one expectation you hold onto.

Reflect on how it has influenced your choices.

Decide on one small action to counter it.

Write down this action and commit to it.

At the end of the day, review your experience.

Note any changes in your mood or clarity.

These steps are not grand gestures. They are simple, repeatable actions that build a strong foundation for lasting change. Over time, they help you break free from the cycle of seeking approval. They help you focus on what truly matters: your own growth and happiness.

Your energy belongs to you. The time you spend worrying about others could be used to build the life you want. What if you redirected that energy? What if you invested it in your own projects, your own passions, your own well-being?

Consider this:

Instead of re-reading a critical message several times, take a deep breath and let it pass.

Instead of altering your plans to fit someone else’s schedule, reserve time for your own interests.

Instead of spending hours trying to understand a vague remark, focus on the clear goals you set for yourself.

These small shifts add up. They gradually reshape your habits and, over time, your entire life. Each decision to focus on your own actions builds a future that is true to you.

I encourage you to ask yourself regularly:

Where am I giving away my energy?

Which expectations are not mine to carry?

What would I do if I trusted my own judgment?

Write down your answers. Keep them where you can see them every day. Let these reflections remind you of the value of your own energy and the importance of self-trust.

This book does more than offer ideas. It provides clear, practical steps. It shows you how to build habits that support your journey toward self-trust. You will find that the techniques presented are simple. They are based on everyday experiences and real examples.

For instance, think of a morning routine that sets your tone for the day. When you wake up, you have a choice. You can start by scrolling through messages that bring doubt. Or you can choose a brief moment of reflection—a chance to set your intention for the day. By deciding on the latter, you direct your energy toward what matters. This small act builds a habit of focusing on your own actions.

Or consider this scenario: You are at a meeting and a colleague offers criticism that feels personal. In that moment, you have a choice. You can let the criticism dominate your thoughts, or you can listen for any useful feedback and then let go of the rest. Choosing the latter protects your energy and keeps you focused on your role and goals.

Each instance where you choose your own path over external expectations strengthens your resolve. Each moment is a chance to build a habit that leads to a clearer, more focused life.

As you read on, you will find exercises and reflections. They are designed to be simple. They encourage you to take small steps each day. Each exercise is a chance to practice letting go. They help you see the progress that comes from investing in your own decisions.

The journey to letting go is not about perfection. It is about progress. It is about the daily choice to focus on what you can control—your actions, your thoughts, and your habits. Each day brings a new opportunity to practice this choice. Every moment you choose to invest in your own growth, you move closer to a life of clarity and self-trust.

I invite you now to take a small action. Look around you and identify one expectation you have held onto for too long. Write it down. Next, write down one small step you can take to release that expectation. Perhaps you will decide to speak up when you have an idea. Perhaps you will set a boundary when someone asks too much. Whatever your step, commit to it today. This is your first step on a clear path.

Your journey is unique. No one else has your thoughts or experiences. Your progress is measured by the small, steady actions you take each day. Focus on what you can control. Build habits that reinforce your inner voice. Invest your energy in your own actions. In time, you will notice that the weight of external opinions grows lighter.

Let this introduction mark the beginning of a new way of living. A way where you decide that your energy is too precious to be wasted on expectations that do not serve you. A way where you trust your own decisions and build a life that is uniquely yours.

Write down your goals. Write down the dreams you have set aside. List the expectations that have held you back. Then, decide on one small change for each. These actions may seem small, but they are the building blocks of a life centered on self-trust.

Remember that each day is a new opportunity. Every morning, you can choose to let go of old habits. Every evening, you can reflect on the progress you made. With time, these small steps add up to a significant change. They build a life that reflects your true self.

I encourage you to be patient with yourself. Change takes time. There will be days when the old patterns return. When that happens, simply recognize the pattern and choose again. Each choice to focus on your own actions reinforces your ability to live freely.

Your energy belongs