What Does It Feel Like?

By Sophie Kinsella

A NEW YORK TIMES NOTABLE BOOK • From #1 bestselling author Sophie Kinsella, an unforgettable story—by turns heartbreaking and life-affirming—of a renowned novelist facing a devastating diagnosis and learning to live and love anew.

“The bravest book you’ll read all year.”—Jodi Picoult

“Only Sophie Kinsella can make you laugh like this while she’s got you crying.”—Taylor Jenkins Reid

A PARADE BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR

“What Does It Feel Like? is fiction, but it is my most autobiographical work to date. Eve’s story is my story.”—Sophie Kinsella

Eve is a successful novelist who wakes up one day in a hospital bed with no memory of how she got there. Her husband, never far from her side, explains that she has had an operation to remove the large, malignant tumor growing in her brain.

As Eve learns to walk, talk, and write again—and as she wrestles with her diagnosis, and how and when to explain it to her beloved children—she begins to recall what’s most important to her: long walks with her husband’s hand clasped firmly around her own, family game nights, and always buying that dress when she sees it.

Recounted in brief anecdotes, each one is an attempt to answer the type of impossible questions recognizable to anyone navigating the labyrinth of grief. This short, extraordinary novel is a celebration of life, shot through with warmth and humor—it will both break your heart and put it back together again.

“Why did I write such a personal book? I have always processed my life through writing. Hiding behind my fictional characters, I have always turned my own life into a narrative. It is my version of therapy, maybe. Writing is my happy place, and writing this book, although tough going at times, was immensely satisfying and therapeutic for me.”—Sophie Kinsella

• Language: English
• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Release date: Oct 8, 2024
• ISBN: 9780593977576

Sophie Kinsella

Sophie Kinsella es el pseudónimo de Madeleine Wickham, escritora británica y antigua periodista financiera. Kinsella es la autora de las novelas No te lo vas a creer, La reina de la casa, ¿Te acuerdas de mí? y Una chica años veinte, además de la popular serie protagonizada por Becky Bloomwood, «Loca por las compras», de la que se han vendido millones de ejemplares y ha sido traducida a más de treinta idiomas. Sophie confiesa que le encanta ir de compras y la vuelven loca las rebajas, pero asegura que siempre paga las facturas, solo viaja a Nueva York por razones culturales y mantiene una excelente relación con el director de su banco.

Book preview

Cover for What Does It Feel Like?

By Sophie Kinsella

Can You Keep a Secret?

The Undomestic Goddess

Remember Me?

Twenties Girl

I’ve Got Your Number

Wedding Night

My Not So Perfect Life

Surprise Me

I Owe You One

Love Your Life

The Party Crasher

The Burnout

What Does It Feel Like?

The Shopaholic Series

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Shopaholic Takes Manhattan

Shopaholic Ties the Knot

Shopaholic & Sister

Shopaholic & Baby

Mini Shopaholic

Shopaholic to the Stars

Shopaholic to the Rescue

Christmas Shopaholic

For Young Adults

Finding Audrey

For Younger Readers

The Fairy Mom and Me series

Book Title, What Does It Feel Like?, Author, Sophie Kinsella, Imprint, The Dial Press

Copyright © 2024 by Madhen Media Limited

Penguin Random House values and supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin Random House to continue to publish books for every reader. Please note that no part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner for the purpose of training artificial intelligence technologies or systems.

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by The Dial Press, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

The Dial Press is a registered trademark and the colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

Published in the United Kingdom by Bantam Press, an imprint of Transworld, a division of Penguin Random House UK, London.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Kinsella, Sophie, author.

Title: What does it feel like? : a novel / Sophie Kinsella.

Description: New York : The Dial Press, 2024.

Identifiers: LCCN 2024034027 (print) | LCCN 2024034028 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593977569 (hardcover ; acid-free paper) | ISBN 9780593977576 (ebook)

Subjects: LCGFT: Domestic fiction. | Novels.

Classification: LCC PR6073.I246 W47 2024 (print) | LCC PR6073.I246 (ebook) | DDC 823/.914—dc23/eng/20240724

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/​2024034027

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/​2024034028

Ebook ISBN 9780593977576

randomhousebooks.com

Book design by Virginia Norey, adapted for ebook

Part title art: limousine by Oleg/stock.adobe.com, Hospital room by aluna1/stock.adobe.com

Cover design: Olga Grlic

Cover images: Shutterstock

ep_prh_7.0a_148376198_c0_r0

Contents

Dedication

Before

How to Write a Book

On Top of the World

After

Can You Feel This?

How to Walk with a Zimmer Frame

The Walkers

You Must Remember This

Good Job!

I Don’t Really Need a Carer

Scrabble

All the Kind Emails

All the Plastic Chairs

It Could Be Worse

How to Get Through Cancer Treatments

Early-Morning Conversations 1: Death

Early-Morning Conversations 2: To Bucket List or Not to Bucket List

Early-Morning Conversations 3: The Early Signs

Early-Morning Conversations 4: All the Ironies

Happy Ending

Author’s Note

Acknowledgments

About the Author

_148376198_

To Henry

Before

Sketch of a car pulling up to a red carpet

How to Write a Book

And now, says the nice interviewer from Modern Woman magazine, how does it feel to be writing your seventh book?

It feels terrific, lies Eve. I’m really thrilled to be working on it and I can’t wait to share it with all my readers.

It’s a nightmare. The words have jammed up for weeks and I don’t know what I’m doing. Everything feels turgid; everything feels pointless. Why did I want to be an author again?

Can you tell us anything about it? probes the interviewer.

Yes, it’s a long family saga about a family called the Wilsons, set between the wars in a large country house.

It sounds wonderful!

Well, thank you, says Eve, feeling unconvinced.

We can’t wait to read it! And now, I know our readers will want to ask: Do you have any advice for aspiring authors?

Yes, says Eve, who has answered this question about twenty-five thousand times and has therefore honed her thoughts. I do, actually. My advice is to write the book you would like to read yourself. Visualize going into a bookshop and finding the perfect book. The book you would buy immediately. What does it look like? What’s it about? What genre is it? Then write that book. And above all, write the truth. Write what you know and do it convincingly. I don’t mean write nonfiction, she clarifies. I mean write the truth about life, whatever genre you’re in.

Very wise advice. And now, says the interviewer, moving on to your personal life, you have five children! How on earth do you manage to write?

Well, my husband is brilliant, says Eve honestly. I couldn’t do it without him. For example, today he’s taken all the children off for a picnic so I can write.

What a star!

He is. And we work as a team. I mean, it’s always busy. We’re always frantic. But it was our decision to have a large family and we love it.

Well, thank you, says the interviewer. That wraps it up. Thank you very much, and best of luck with the new book.

"Thank you very much, replies Eve. Have a good day!"

She puts down the phone, deflates with a sigh, and looks unenthusiastically at her computer screen.

Back to the writing. She has an empty house; there’s no excuse.

Reviews for What Does It Feel Like?

[jscape2000 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Memoir disguised as fiction.

[deslivres5 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

What Does It Feel Like? is a semi-autobiographical very quick read by Sophie Kinsella. It features snippets of memories of a successful author, Eve, during her living with glioblastoma, before the diagnosis, and progressing through treatments and recovery to her new normal.
It is remarkable to me that the author has taken us on this journey with her, both making us laugh and cry at the same time.

[roshreviews · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

In a Nutshell: A heartfelt novella inspired by the author’s own health scare. Not a light romcom like her other works. Heartbreaking, pragmatic, humorous, hopeful. I never thought I would recommend a Sophie Kinsella book this strongly, but never say never, right? Much recommended!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plot Preview:
Eve Monroe has it all. She’s a successful author with a huge fan following. One of her books has even been turned into a successful Hollywood movie. She has a loving husband and five adorable children. In short, she is lucky. Perhaps, too lucky, because one day, her luck runs out. When she wakes up in bed with no memory of what happened to her, her husband explains that she had undergone an operation to remove a large tumour from her brain. Unfortunately, the tumour turned out to be malignant. As Eve comes to terms with her diagnosis and what it means for her, her family, and their future, she takes us on an emotional journey filled with heartwarming and heartwrenching moments.
The story comes to us in Eve’s first-person perspective.



I am not a Sophie Kinsella fan. To be clear, I respect her for sticking to her genre and doing a wonderful job satisfying light romcom readers. It is just that those books, with their frivolous heroines, aren’t for me. I read eight of her novels before I finally accepted that she wasn’t my cup of tea and resolved never to read her again. Why simply read a book that's not our type and then give it a negative rating, right? So this book came as a surprise addition to my reading list, and that’s mainly because it is different in style and approach to all her earlier works.

In April 2024, Kinsella revealed that she had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer in 2022. To say that I was shocked on seeing this update is an understatement. Cancer is never welcome, but to hear that someone youngish is going through this is always difficult to accept. It makes you question your own health, to wonder if you are taking everything for granted, to introspect on what you would do if you were in that position. With all my heart, I rooted for her complete recovery, especially for the sake of her five children. When I heard that she had written a novella as a semi-autobiographical version of her journey through cancer, I knew I would read one more Sophie Kinsella work, this time without any hesitation.

This book is written as a series of vignettes. Scenes from “Before” give us an insight into who Eve Monroe is, and “After” tells us of what happens after her surgery. In between the shortish chapters, the narrative is interspersed with phone conversations, messages, notes on how to get through certain events, and “early morning conversations” between Eve and her husband about their future.

This approach makes the novella even more poignant. There were many scenes when my eyes welled up. Her description of her experience is so vivid that the whole story played out like a movie in front of my eyes. The most painful to read were her introspective thoughts on what would happen to her children. This is such a real fear for moms!

Because this is autofiction, there is a strong sense of honesty and authenticity to the words. As such, it is very tough to stop picturing Sophie Kinsella as the first-person narrator, even though we know that we are hearing the journey of a fictional character named Eve; there’s so much of herself she has put into Eve. The author’s note at the end of the book reveals the extent of the overlap between fact and fiction.

I won't reveal details about the cancer itself and about Eve’s (and Sophie’s) prognosis. The author has been so successful in conveying her emotional upheaval through this novella that I would like readers to pick it up and discover her story themselves.

[jacsun · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It’s a miracle that this book has been written. Sophie Kinsella says it’s mostly autobiographical in the Author’s Notes, but she chose to write is as fiction to avoid a few differences with the details.

It’s an emotionally heart-warming story of a best-selling author, Eve Monroe, who has a loving husband, Nick, and five children. When Nick calls, she knows she should be writing but she is trying on an expensive dress at a luxury boutique shop. Will she tell him where she is?

The next thing she knows, she is in a hospital with Nick by her side. Something has gone terribly wrong. She learns she has grade 4 glioblastoma, an incurable brain tumor. Her thoughts quickly scramble to what will happen with her family and how can she survive the odds of this terminal disease? No one wants to stop and think that this could happen to them.

It’s a short book but one that is deeply felt about how someone can make it after eight hours of intense surgery to remove the tumor. She talks about her symptoms, how her life was rerouted and how she pulled through with the love of her family. I would have wanted to know more from her husband’s point of view or the role that her children played to get her back on her feet.

However, this story made me feel influenced by how Eve – or rather Sophie Kinsella – was given lots of encouragement and a second chance with life thanks to her doctors, caretakers and family. I believe this book will reach out to others and give readers inspiration to those that especially need it.

My thanks to The Dial Press and NetGalley for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this book with an expected release date of October 8, 2024.

[spuriouscarrie · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Perfect tiny novel. I don’t know what this would be like if you haven’t been through cancer treatment, but so much of this is just … perfect. “Broccoli? Yes, I’d love some. I’m trying to eat really healthily at the moment. Give myself every chance.”

“She knows this cancer is not her fault—it’s just bad luck. But what she has learned is that you can feel guilty for having had bad luck.”

[pdebolt_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I don't read romantic comedy novels so I am unfamiliar with the books that Sophie Kinsella has written; however, I have a friend who was diagnosed with glioblastoma, so I was very interested in this book. It is a fictionalized account of Sophie's own glioblastoma diagnosis and the memories of all she endured. I am captivated by her courage, her humor and her optimism. The moments she discussed the probability of death with her husband are heartbreaking. He is a hero in her story, and I couldn't help thinking about people without a supportive partner navigating this difficult journey. I know that her legions of fans are sending prayers and best thoughts to her, as am I.

[brianinbuffalo · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

[4.25] This touching, brave, occasionally hilarious and ultimately inspirational profile of one woman’s struggle with brain cancer is a novella that should be read by every individual whose life has been impacted by serious illness. I lost one of my closest friends to brain cancer in 2004. He was only in his late 30s. “What Does it Feel Like” would have been a comforting and enlightening book had it been penned a couple decades earlier.

As an armchair reviewer who all-too-often grumbles about authors who “meander” or pad their manuscripts almost as if they were getting paid by the word, Kinsella’s book based on her own encounters with stage 4 glioblastoma could have been twice as long and still been spared from criticism by this fan of literary minimalism.

Authors who build storylines around a series of vignettes sometimes deliver narratives that feel disjointed. That’s not the case here. Kinsella’s work flows beautifully.

True, “What Does it Feel Like” would have benefitted from having additional chapters that further explored the inner turmoil experienced by the protagonist’s husband and five young children. I ended this heart-tugging journey craving more. Then again, that’s always a good thing.

[rmarcin-630843 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Eve is an author, and after writing a blockbuster hit, she has all she could want. She and her husband Nick have been married for years, and have 5 children. Everything is great, but then Eve wakes in a hospital, her head bandaged, and a nurse asking her if she can feel her legs. What happened to her? Eve's husband, Nick, tells her that she had brain surgery to remove a cancerous growth. As she tries to deal with this news, she recalls how she and her husband fell in love, and how she loves being with him and their children.
A semi-autobiographical story, as the author also has a loving marriage, 5 children, and brain cancer. Focuses on what is important.

[mav1n1libby · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow, for a small book, this packs a lot of punch. [spoiler] And then to hear the afterward that a lot of this is based on the author's life. Jaw dropping and heartbreaking. I've been reading Madeline Wickham/Sophie Kinsella since my teenage years and this floored me. GBM is no joke and scary and I am just sending all the good thoughts that it doesn't come back. The book is about the main character who is an author and sees big success, has an amazing husband and five children. She's been on the red carpet and just feels really lucky because her life has been really good. But then, she wakes up and she's in the hospital and not sure why. She had a brain tumor, which was cancerous and it was removed, but her short term memory is crap. Her husband has had to tell her over and over that she has brain cancer. Eventually, she does remember and goes through the chemo and radiation, and hopes for the best. As far as the book ends, it hasn't come back. And then the afterward by the author says that this is based on her life. Some fictional things throw in there, but overall, it's her story. I hate to say this was a really good story, because good god. But it really was. I was sucked in and it hit my heart. Madeline, I really, really send you all the best wishes and all the positive vibes!!!

[bookczuk · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I’ve always found an honesty in the Sophie Kinsella novels, I’ve read, and a strong sense of trueness, reality. These stories could happen, and this one is. It’s a stunning reveal of true life happenings, in a fictionalized autobiography, told by a courageous woman. Heartbreaking and beautiful, told by a master story-teller.

[maydacat_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This novel comes as close as possible to being autobiographical. The author is fighting the same aggressive form of brain cancer as the protagonist of the story. Eve chronicles her recovery, learning again to talk and to walk, and most importantly, to remember. She talks about her frustrations, her fears, her struggles, and most dear to her, the love and support of her husband. When she dies, she wants the last thing to be the sound of his voice. This poignant novel is incredibly sad, and yet at the same time, it does not come off as maudlin. It dwells not the illness but on the future. It is not hopeless but hopeful. It is well written, gripping, and inspiring.

[ecataldi-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A heartbreaking and deeply personal book by Sophie Kinsella, the bestselling author of the Shopaholic series about what it really means to live in the moment. Eve is a bestselling novelist, with five beautiful children, a doting husband, and a book that's getting turned into a Hollywood blockbuster. She has all the luck in the world, that is, until she wakes up in a hospital bed with no memory of how she got there. She is told she has just undergone brain surgery and they've removed a large tumor from her brain. She’ll need to relearn how to walk, regain her balance, and try to stay calm and collected in the face of the unknowable. Her faithful husband never leaves her side as she struggles to come to term with her diagnosis and what that means for her and her family. Radiantly narrated by Sally Phillips and Sophie Kinsella herself; Sally effuses emotion, heartbreak, and hope into every syllable. What Does it Feel Like? mirrors Sophie Kinsella’s experience battling glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer. Although heartbreaking, the way that this short novel is told through anecdotes and vignettes is extremely powerful and hopeful; listeners will ride a rollercoaster of emotions. A must listen.

[sleahey_3 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

For Kinsella's fans who might expect her latest book to be like her others, this novella will surprise but not disappoint. The protagonist is Eve, whom we first encounter when she has a stroke of insight that cures her of her writer's block. She feels extremely lucky when she goes on to become popular and successful as a well-known author with a doting husband and supportive community of friends. Fast forward several years, when she realizes that she is extremely unlucky, diagnosed with a serious cancer that carries a grim prognosis. Following her cancer symptoms and treatment becomes immersive for the reader, thanks to Kinsella's skill at finding a balance of emotion and straightforward narration. This affecting story can be consumed in one sitting but leave a lasting impression.

[onyx95_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

The author of a very popular book series turned movie, Eve Monroe, is diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor. Follow Eve and her family as they navigate the process of making decisions, treatment, recovery, and what to do next.

This novella or short story is a partially fictionalized autobiography of Sophie Kinsella's real diagnosis, treatment, and recovery so far. Tough for her and her family, but an author does what an author does. She wrote about it. While this writing is not like her other books, the feelings come across, and knowing that it's her story, the differences in writing style can be overlooked. This is heartbreaking and encouraging at the same time.

[nbmars · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Although part of the title of this book is “A Novel”, as the author explains in an Afternote, it is mostly autobiographical, with some names and dates changed, but otherwise a reflection of the author’s recent experience.

Sophie Kinsella was diagnosed with a glioblastoma brain tumor in 2022, and subsequently underwent surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and a great deal of rehabilitation. She decided to write about her journey through disease and recovery, because it is what she knows now, and because her writing is “her happy place.” It is for her readers as well.

As she explains through her fictional character Eve Monroe, she has the most aggressive form of brain tumor, one that only 25 per cent of patients survive more than one year past diagnosis, with a median survival time 14 months.

So she tells us some of what she has gone through - but never in a depressing way; rather, it is in her trademark light, self-deprecatory style. She writes of her love for her family and their incredible support for her; her struggle with rage and guilt over her bad luck; her gratitude for all of her previous good luck; and the irony of how, unlike when she writes fiction, she cannot determine the outcome or be in charge of the universe. She writes: “Fate’s the boss. And there are no teasers. All we can do is wait and see what happens.”

Her only aim now, she avers, is just to keep going: “She’s been super-lucky in life . . . then super-unlucky . . . so maybe the next swing will be towards luck.”

Evaluation: This brave, warm, at times funny, and ultimately optimistic thinly-veiled biography is like a love letter to all of Kinsella’s fans. And readers will love her back for it, more than they already have for all she has given to them through her work. I am so grateful she could return to her writing after her ordeal, and hope she remains in her "happy place" at for as long as possible. Fans will not want to miss this heart-felt offering.