I will, forever

By Shannon Hopkins

Hunter, has lost her way. She bravely leaves her hometown to live with a relative after her mother passes away. She eventually finds her way, grows independently stronger and finds true teenage love.
A roller coaster of obsessive teenage love.
This book includes teen drinking and sex. It is not for everyone., it’s not pg.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
• Release date: Aug 14, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662924835

Book preview

1

Leaving New Hope

I, HUNTER NONAN, can’t believe I can fit all of my belongings into this crappy red Ford Escort. The door is so badly dented that it barely closes. As I am getting ready to drive cross-country in this hunk of junk, I think of all the good and bad times in this truck. This truck holds more good memories because my grandfather gave it to me before he passed away. Therefore, I know I will be safe on my trip. I am still nervous as heck. I take a few deep breaths and open the truck door.

I climb into the driver’s seat and think of how I can’t believe I have to go live with my uncle. My father has completely forgotten about me. My grandparents passed not long after my mother, and I am a bit lost. Or a lot lost. My life fell apart after my mother passed.

My uncle, my father’s brother, has begged me to live with him since my mother passed away. He has come to visit a few times a month since her funeral. He knows his brother is a self-centered, selfish man. I always make excuses for him. But really, there is no excuse for the way he has acted since she passed. That is why I need to leave this town. I need a new beginning. So, I begin this new journey,

I pray I find happiness again. I don’t remember the last time I laughed, the last time I didn’t cry myself to sleep, and the last time I had an interest in anything.

I am driving from New Hope, my hometown, to South Haven.

I have to admit, I am a little bit excited to get away from my father, his new wife, and her kids. I am excited to live with someone who has cared about me for as long as I can remember. My father’s younger brother, my uncle Levi, is my godfather and my biggest fan. He has called me every day since my mother passed, just to make sure I am okay. He knows I am not okay. He knows I miss her more and more every passing minute. My uncle knows his older brother, my father, has not been himself since my mother passed. Maybe my father was never the man my mother gave him credit for being.

She, my mother, passed six months ago. It devastated me. My two older twin siblings are in college. My mother passed away my senior year of high school, and she was sick for an entire year before. I was too depressed to think about college. My father remarried a lady he met at a bar three days after we buried my mother. Within a month, they were married. After they married, his new bride and her children took over my mother’s house. The house my grandparents bought my mother and father when they were a young couple in love.

Now I am an unwanted stranger in my home.

The only two things that have kept me going are Nicky, my best friend since birth, and his mother.

Nicky’s mother and my mother were best friends. Nicky and I instantly became best friends. I stayed with Nicky’s mother after my mom passed. My father didn’t want me, and I had no money saved for college. I was just too depressed without my mother. Parts of me wonder if it’s this town; everything reminds me of my mother and me.

When I was young, the schools claimed I was a genius. They told my mother to put me in advanced classes, even recommended a boarding school. But Nicky was my best friend, and I insisted we be in the same classes. People picked on him if I wasn’t with him. But by the time we were seniors, he was the most popular guy in our class. He’s gorgeous, fun, and fashionable. He’ll soon start college at our dream school, NYU.

I don’t even know if I would look human without him. He has pulled my looks together since I was four. He’s a fashion snob. Me . . . give me some sweats and I am good.

Our mothers opened a fashion boutique together, all high-end labels. They styled the who’s who of New Hope. But after Mom passed, Nicky’s mother closed the boutique. Nothing was quite the same after that incredible person, my mother, passed away.

In addition to Nicky, I have running. I have been running cross country since I was six. I thought I hated running, but now it’s my therapy. I run, run, and run. By the end of my junior year, I had the best two-mile time in all of the United States. But when my mother was sick, I stopped competing and lost all chances of a scholarship. Now, no money, no scholarships, no college.

During the days I competed, Nicky ran my social media pages, probably to get us free stuff. It was fun for a while, but now. . . . Now, without my mom, nothing is fun. I stopped doing track meets shortly after she passed. But I still run.

I have to get out of here. I have to get away from my father and his new wife. I have to find my way. One where I can take a deep breath and feel the air in my lungs.

It feels like I have not taken a deep breath since Mom left.

When my uncle Levi came to visit since she passed, he could see how they were treating me. He could see my unhappiness. He could see I couldn’t heal. He could see my need to put this place, the place I grew up but lost so much in, behind me and grow again.

So here I am. I’ve packed everything I own and put it in this beat-up old Ford Escort.

The trip from New Hope to South Haven will take twelve hours. I hope the truck makes it.

I hope I have enough money for the tolls.

I am all packed. Nicky and his mother are in our driveway with a packed cooler. Nicky promises to come see me once a month. Nicky’s mother hands me several gift cards, some cash, and enough food for my very long drive. Even so, Nicky’s mother begs me not to go. I have never driven more than a few miles around our local town. I am truly scared to drive so far by myself, but I have to go, so I try not to show her just how scared I am.

I have to be strong and at least try to move forward. I have to learn to breathe once again.

The first two hours of driving, I talk to Nicky. Then he sends me a playlist and calls me when it is over. I drive for eight hours straight. Then I pull over and eat. Then I drive until I reach my uncle’s house. It’s gorgeous, on the lake, breathtaking views. He isn’t home. He’s an ER doctor; he works a lot. He left me a note that he would help me get settled in the morning and a number to call him at work.

He registered me for the local university, Ship Haven. My mother always told me how smart I was and what a blessing it is to be smart. But it just doesn’t feel so to me. Most of the conversations with girls my age, I find sophomoric and beyond annoying. I struggle to fit in, so it doesn’t feel like a gift or blessing.

As I walk through this gorgeous house I am about to live in for two years, I grow nervous.

Monday will be my first day. Regret fills my entire body. I want to run back to Nicky.

After a few deep breaths, I open the fridge, looking for a drink. I find half a bottle of red (not the kind of drink I was looking for, but . . .) and some really old leftover pizza. Yum! I grab the bottle and head for the couch. But then I think, first, let me check out my room. It is huge! Bigger than any master suite. Two walk-in closets. Two??? The bathroom is bigger than my old room at home. A TV, a theater recliner, new computer, iPad, laptop; you name it, it is in my room.

I am too tired to cry. Maybe I am out of tears, but I am beyond myself.

My uncle is cooler and richer than I knew.

I sit in the recliner, drink the red in one gulp, and then go to sleep for what seems like three days. The bed is so very big and so very comfortable.

2

Will I Be Okay?

WHEN I WAKE UP, my uncle and my cousin Ethan are moving my clothes into one of my walk-in closets. The clothes don’t even take up a tenth of one closet.

I am shocked to see my cousin. He has a full ride for baseball and should be at some D1 college. Apparently, he got into a fight with the coach and came home to figure out his next steps.

I crawl out of bed as we exchange pleasantries. It seems very strange. I feel a bit out of place, nervous, and very anxious. Just breathing is stressful.

After they help me unpack and set up my room, my uncle asks if I am hungry and proposes the three of us get something to eat. I don’t think I even answer, just head for the door and toward his car. I am hungry. I am always hungry.

On the way to the diner, they’re raving about the best homestyle home cooking, American food. Ethan makes fun of my truck. He and my uncle are shocked it made a twelve-hour drive from New Hope to South Haven.

My uncle Levi starts to ask questions about my father and his wife. He is a bit mad that they let me drive myself and have never checked on me thus far. I really don’t understand the big deal. I really didn’t discuss it much with my father. I told him I was thinking about living in South Haven with Uncle Levi, and he seemed relieved. It was clear he didn’t want me around.

Finally, we arrive at the diner. Ugh. It’s a greasy spoon. Gross.

I don’t complain out loud, just in my head. As we enter, all the patrons know my uncle Levi by name. I assume it’s because he is a gorgeous single doctor in this small town. Every middle-aged single lady stares at him. He really is handsome. I never noticed too much until today. As the women stare at him, I ask about his love life. Ethan laughs and explains that Uncle Levi buries himself in work and avoids the overly aggressive women in this town. Ethan tells a few stories of stalkers, crazy ex-girlfriends.

The waitress is with us now and wants to know our order. I still haven’t picked up the ten-pound menu. It’s huge. I order a veggie burger with cheese, more cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, mustard, ketchup, sweet potato tots, and an iced tea.

I am hungry.

Ethan orders a Hawaii pizza boat, no ham. My uncle Levi orders chicken and waffles.

Every time a plate passes, I think my mouth waters some. As we wait for our food, we discuss the area and things to do. It all sounds very boring. But I am also hungry and not focusing very well.

Finally, I can see our waitress headed our way. She can barely see over the waffles. She puts our plates down and smiles kindly, mainly at my uncle.

Each plate could feed about ten people.

I stare at my dish. I wish I had ordered the chicken and waffles or the pizza boat. But my order does look good. I dive in. I think I look like Scooby-Doo or Shaggy. I only look up when I see a fork coming into my food territory.

Ethan?? I snap.

Can we trade some pizza for a sweet potato tot? Ethan suggests.

I just shake my head yes.

My uncle Levi says, Good food, huh?

It is good. Really good. And it is home cooking. It warms my soul and reminds me of Liliana, my mother. I think to myself, This feels right.

Two minutes later, while I polish off my last bite, I realize I am so full I can’t move.

I ate way too much, too fast. I look at them and they start laughing, for they know what I have done. I look at my stomach and laugh.

I hear a man’s voice. He’s talking to my cousin. They apparently grew up together, played baseball together. They are friends, I assume by their conversation.

I notice he’s tall. Not bad looking, I think to myself. Kinda pretty boy, kinda jock.

As I stare at him, I get a kick from my cousin from under the table.

What??

He annoyingly asks AGAIN, Do you want dessert?!?!

Oh . . . I guess. Can I take it home? I ask.

Yeah, whatever, Ethan snaps. I am guessing me drooling over his friend was not appreciated.

My uncle orders three chocolate cake slices to go while Ethan walks his friend out, and they talk baseball, college, and girls.

My uncle and I wait for the dessert. As we are waiting, he explains to me that Ethan’s friend, Matthew Alexander, grew up playing baseball and comes from a family of boys.

They are the Alexander brothers. Their mother was a nurse, and their father passed away a few years ago. Their father served in the military with my uncle Levi. They were his best friends. My uncle explains Matthew and his brother, who had full D1 scholarships, chose a nearby D3 college to help their mother with their younger brothers after their father passed. But my uncle warns me to stay away from the Alexander boys. They tend to party and can get into a bit of mischief.

As we walk to the car, Ethan asks if we mind if he takes off with Matthew to hang out for a few hours. Matthew asks me if I want to come too, but my uncle Levi quickly replies, Hunter just arrived and has to prepare to start school. She’ll be attending Ship Haven. I believe you know the university well.

While leaving the diner, my uncle asks if we can go to the mall. I don’t realize that he wants to take me shopping until we pull in.

I just want to buy you a few things for your room, the house, college, he continues.

I don’t need anything, I explain as I turn down his offers to buy me things.

He is already doing so much for me; I don’t want to be more of a burden. He pulled strings to get me into the university with no money, no scholarship. I have no idea how or when I can pay him back.

Truth be told, I’ve never felt comfortable with anyone but my mother buying me anything.

Well, my father never really tried to or offered. It was always my mom and me. Then, after she passed, it wasn’t even an option to ask my father for money or clothes.

When my mother’s best friend Ann, Nicky’s mom, closed the boutique they owned together, I grabbed a few items. I think I will be okay until I can find a job.

During our trip to the mall, I do pick out a few stores where I think I should apply for a job.

* * *

WE FINALLY ARRIVE home. My uncle says he is going to go for a run and then jump in the pool.

I say I will meet him in the pool.

I grab my swimsuit and head for the pool out back.

The view of the lake is breathtaking. Sitting on the pool edge, looking out, is therapeutic.

I feel relaxed. For a moment, my mind starts to wander. I think of Nicky back home and of his mom. I wonder if my father even cares that I am not there. I know the answer to that. I hate that my heart still craves a father who is completely self-absorbed. He didn’t even call and check to make sure I arrived safely.

I shut my eyes. As I start to doze, I dream of my mother. She is laughing, her long hair black and flowing. She is a Greek goddess, Mediterranean-looks beautiful.

My cell phone begins ringing, interrupting my dream. Annoyed that I was woken from the dream, I glance at the number. It is my old landline. I hold my breath as my brain processes. It can’t be. . . . Then it hits me: my dad. I hold my breath again, shocked he’s calling me. And from the landline, so his wife must not be home (by home, I mean my mother’s house).

I answer, Dad? Are you okay?

He answers in a whisper, Yes, of course. Just wanted to make sure you arrived and settled in.

Yes, I arriv— I try to answer.

Great. Take care. Call if you need me. CLICK. He hangs up as he’s talking.

I take a deep breath and look at my cell phone. He is a different man now, I think to myself. I toss my phone on the poolside chair and dive into the pool. I swim all the way across the pool in one breath. My eyes fill with self-pitying tears . . . the water should take them away.

3

Swimming

AS I AM SWIMMING underwater, I see a body jump into the water. I come up for air, expecting to see my uncle Levi. Instead, Ethan, his friend Matthew, and his brothers are jumping into the pool.

Where is your dad? I ask nervously.

He just got called in, Ethan explains. We were gonna invite some friends over and have some drinks. You cool with that?

My mind is spinning. Boys . . . drinks . . . shoot, I am in the water in the smallest suit in the world thanks to Nicky . . . wasn’t expecting anyone but my uncle. How am I going to exit the pool? I need an exit strategy. This is mortifying.

Paaarrrttyy??? You cool with a party this afternoon? Ethan repeats.

Sure, it’s your house. I swim to the edge of the pool, where I left my phone and towel, but neither of them is on the chair.

I can do this. I take a deep breath and head for the house—quickly!

Ethan’s friend Matthew yells, Where are you going? I wanted to introduce you to my brothers!

One second. Just want to get a towel! I shout back.

He points to my towel and cell three chairs over.

Thanks. My head is spinning; I am so self-conscious. I wrap the towel around my body while turning around and looking for introductions.

At the same time, I hear Matthew say something to Ethan about my body. I think it’s positive. I hear my cousin respond, She’s my cousin. Shut the fuck up.

Matthew, laughing at Ethan, quickly introduces me

This is my youngest brother, Colin. He’s ten. And this is Keradin. He’s eleven. Now, where is the smart one you’ll be going to school with . . . , Matthew looks around. He is eighteen. Still looking around. . . . Well, he’s around somewhere. His name is Liam.

Great. Thanks. Excited to meet you guys. No one looks at me. Colin and Keradin jump in the pool. Then I hear a voice from behind me.

Excited??? To meet us? I turn around to a guy who must be Liam. As I turn around and see Liam for the first time, I am shocked. I can’t breathe; he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.

Hi, I am Liam, he says.

Liam has taken my breath away. I struggle to respond. Speak! I shout in my mind to myself. I can’t speak. Liam is incredibly gorgeous, and I just can’t form a sentence. I am such a fool!

Oh, okay . . . , Liam says after attempting to introduce himself. Liam hands me a glass of red wine. Ethan said you like red. He lifts his glass to toast with me. I am so nervous that I go to grab his glass. I am drinking scotch. Want mine too? Liam asks.