Ask the Wolf

By Stella North

     Secrets. A missing mother. A lost child. And a black wolf.

     Alyson Zavala is five the first time the wolf rescues her. Over the next fifteen years, her quest to find her mother takes her from her home in the Sierra Nevada Mountains to Seattle, and into dark and dangerous places.

     Unearthing secrets leads her to startling discoveries about herself, about the mother she barely remembers, and about the man who may be her father.

     The black wolf reappears at intervals, helping her learn to rescue herself. He's a real, wild wolf, but is he more? A powerful talisman? A kindred spirit? A link to a transcendent realm?

     The losses in her life convince Alyson that "love doesn't last and heartache lasts forever"--until she encounters Lucas Kaymer, the hottest and most hated teaching assistant on the entire University of Washington campus. He may be able to change her mind--if she lives long enough.

     As Alyson continues her search--to find her mother, to heal old wounds, and to become whole--it seems that only the wolf knows the answers. His actions speak loudly, but he can't talk. Alyson wants words. Words that will reveal who she is, and why her life takes so many strange, spine-chilling turns.

 

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blue Flax LLC
• Release date: Nov 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201246495

Stella North

     Stella North and her husband Ron live in the Idaho mountains in a household run by five cats and a long-suffering Labrador retriever. They are thankful the horses live outside with the deer, moose, badgers, raccoons, coyotes, and the occasional mountain lion. So far, no wolves.       Stella is currently working on Save a Sealion, the first book in her Bless the Whales trilogy. It will be released in 2022.       Stella teaches creative writing and urges everyone to express their unique, amazing, beautiful selves through stories.      Her blog offers free writing prompts to spark your stories. You can find them at         https://www.StellaNorth10.blogspot.com  or https://www.stellanorthbooks.com.

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Ask the wolf...

How did I get into this?

I’m standing between a mountain lion and his lunch. The lion outweighs me by

a hundred pounds. His lunch is an adorable gray wolf puppy.

This battle will be brief. I’m unarmed. I only hope the cougar will be too intent on

eating me to bother the pup.

Run, little wolf! Run!

PART I     October, 1997

I WAS FIVE WHEN I MET THE WOLF

THAT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO

SIERRA NEVADA MOUNTAINS

DOUGLAS COUNTY, NEVADA

CHAPTER 1

The Wolf is here.

We’re at the Pettigrew’s farm, me and Grandpa. He just now drove us here. I see the Wolf on the hill behind their house. A real wolf. With black fur and sharp teeth and strong legs that run fast as a horse.

I’m not shaking-scared ‘cause Grandpa’s with me. Besides, I’m big now. I started kindergarten last month.

Grandpa slides out of the truck and comes ‘round to my side to help me down. I point up the hill. Wolf.

Grandpa looks. The Wolf is gone. I keep pointing. He was there.

An imaginary wolf won’t hurt you, Alyson. He talks in his That’s A Fact voice, but I worry. Wolves chomp your bones. Grandpa thinks I ‘magined it. I didn’t. This is the second time I seen the Wolf.

Grandpa, what about that Russian lady riding in the sleigh and wolves bited the horse’s legs? She throwed her kids out for the wolves to eat so they wouldn’t eat her.

Who told you that?

Aunt Nori. 

Damn that woman! Wait till I get my hands on her.

Aunt Nori lives in New Jersey. I picture Grandpa’s arms growing long so he can get his hands on her.

I hug Lucky, my big floppy stuffed dog. He’s white with black spots and he’s near as big as me. He always likes me, even when I’m stupid and can’t do stuff grownups and big kids do. I think Mommy gave me Lucky when I was a baby. He’s been my best friend forever.

Sometimes I feel bad ‘cause I love Lucky more than Grandma and Grandpa. He cuddles more.

Grandpa lifts me out of the cab and sets me on the ground. He takes my hand and we walk toward the house. Dry leaves crackle under our feet. They sound the same way they smell. Sharp and dry and peppery. I like when things do that—act like what they are.

A long time ago, I crunched leaves with Mommy. We danced ‘round the yard and tumbled into a big pile of red leaves. The smell puffed up in a happy cloud. Then Mommy went away.  Daddy did too.

Grandpa frowns. Aunt Nori told you a fairy tale. In real life mothers leap off the sleigh and save their kids.

I shouldn’t ask. Words jump out of my mouth before I can stop them. Is that what happened to Mommy?

No.

Grandpa’s mouth is hard. He’s Mommy’s daddy and he misses her too. But I have to ask. What happened to my Mommy and Daddy?

He looks at me sharp, but his mouth is soft now, so maybe he’s not mad at me. I wish I could tell you.

We walk up to the front door. The house is gray and ugly ‘cause the paint peeled off. Our house is pretty. We got new yellow paint.

We came here before, when Grandma was selling the sheepskin rugs she makes. I don’t like Mrs. Pettigrew. She’s as ugly as her house. She has a face like a catfish. I don’t want to be here.

Grandpa knocks and Mrs. Pettigrew opens the door.  A smell comes out with her, like pickles and sweaty feet. I back away.

Grandpa bends over me. The sun catches in his hair and makes it shine silver. He kisses me and his whiskers tickle. Now Alyson, I told you it’s just for a few days. You don’t want Grandma to be alone at the hospital, do you?

He already told me hospitals don’t let kids visit. I’ll be good at the hospital, Grandpa. Real quiet like a butterfly. They won’t know I’m there. I hope hard. I’ve never been away from home at night before. ‘Cept for school, I’ve never been away from Grandma and Grandpa.

I’m sorry, Alyson. I’ll come get you as soon as I can.

He pulls my hand toward Mrs. Pettigrew. She won’t take it. Instead she grips my shoulder hard, the way an eagle grips a fish, and pushes me in the house. Grandpa goes to the truck for the grocery sack with my clothes and toothbrush and hairbrush in it. He hands it to Mrs. Pettigrew and leaves.

When the noise of his truck dies away, I think I’m dying. My stomach hurts. I’m empty. There’s nothing inside me. Just air.

Grandpa’s never coming back. Like Mommy. Like Daddy.

CHAPTER 2

I hate Mrs. Pettigrew.

I’m playing outside with Madison and Diana, the other kids she babysits. Mrs. Pettigrew is talking to Mr. Rico while he fills up the big gas tank in the backyard. Mr. Rico brings his tanker truck to our ranch, too. Once he let me sit in the cab and pretend drive.

Funny the way grownups talk in front of kids, like we can’t hear. Mr. Rico says, That little Zavala girl reminds me of my granddaughter. Same gold eyes and honey-blond hair. Pretty.

Mrs. Pettigrew looks at me, hard. She’s a stringy beanpole. Look at those toothpick legs and arms.

The other kids hear her too, and Mrs. Pettigrew’s son Dickie yells, Hey, Toothpick. How come you’re so skinny? He comes over and yanks my braids when his mom isn’t looking. He’s ten years old and way bigger than me.

I hate him. He’s got mean blue eyes and ears like mushrooms. I hate mushrooms.

I look at my legs. They aren’t as big ‘round as Madison’s and she’s five too. Maybe skinny is good. Maybe the Wolf won’t want to eat me.

When other kids are near, I feel safe. Safe from the Wolf and safe from Dickie. He’s mean to the other kids too.  Everyone at school hates him.

Diana says, Don’t let Dickie get you alone. He’s a pervert.

She’s in third grade so she knows big words. I don’t know what a pervert is. I think it’s real bad.

I’m O.K. until bedtime. I put on my favorite purple jammies with rainbows on them, and then I don’t know what to do next. Going to bed without praying with Grandma feels wrong, like I’m not my real self.

Does God know I’m here?

* * *

In the middle of the night I gotta pee. I go to the bathroom and I’m almost back to my room when someone shoves me. I fall hard and wind whooshes out of me. Before I can scream a hand comes over my mouth.

A voice whispers, If you yell, I’ll kill Lucky.

It’s Dickie. For sure he’ll kill Lucky ‘cause he killed Madison’s Angie the Angel doll. Tore off her wings and stomped on her head.

Why are you creeping around in the dark?

I went to the bathroom.

Oh yeah? You shouldn’t walk around at night. You could disappear like your mother.

I want to ask if he knows what happened to Mommy. Maybe I shouldn’t. Grandpa don’t like people talking about it.

Cat got your tongue? I bet your dad killed your mom and buried her in the forest.

No!

Shut up!

Dickie puts his hand over my mouth again. I hit it away and my hand keeps going and hits his nose.

AAAH! He puts his hand to his face. You gave me a bloody nose! His voice is stuffy like he’s got a cold.

Mrs. Pettigrew shouts, What’s going on?  She sounds mad.

Dickie says, Nothing.

I hear big footsteps. Mrs. Pettigrew is coming. Dickie opens the door to the hall closet and shoves me in. He whispers, I’m going to get you, and closes the door.

It’s black in here. I breathe through my mouth ‘cause of the bad mothball smell. Then I get chokey and I got to breathe through my nose again so I won’t cough. My eyes sting.

Richard! How in Heaven’s name did you get blood on your face? Are you hurt bad?

Dickie says something. I can’t catch the words. Then I hear his mother. Come on. I’ll clean you up in the bathroom.

Their footsteps go down the hall. When I hear the bathroom door close, I creep out of the closet and race to my room and grab Lucky and my sweatshirt.

I run to the back door. Mrs. Pettigrew makes us leave our shoes there. I jam my feet in my sneakers and pull on my sweatshirt. When I turn the door knob, nothing happens. I’m scared I won’t get out. I stand on my tippy-toes and twist the unlocker thingy all the way around.

Click.

The door opens! I’m going home! The sheep will be there, even if Grandma and Grandpa aren’t. Me and Lucky can sleep with the sheep. They’ll keep us safe.

We run out the door and across the backyard before I remember.

The Wolf.

* * *

I stop running so quick I near fall over. The moon is bright. I can see where the Wolf was, on top the hill behind Mrs. Pettigrew’s house. I can’t see him now, but I bet he’s there.

I’m cold all over. My feet are frozen. They won’t move. I tell them, Run! and that makes them go. I’m not staying and letting Dickie get me and Lucky. Mrs. Pettigrew would get me too, for hurting Dickie’s nose. Maybe I would go to jail.

Is that where Mommy and Daddy are?

I crawl under the fence in the back corner of the yard where the wire is broke and there’s a big hole. C’mon, Lucky. I pull him through and wrap him ‘round my neck, sticking his Velcro paws together so he won’t fall off. Then I run down to the road that me and Grandpa drove when we came here. I know home is downhill, ‘cause Grandpa talked to his truck when he was driving up to Mrs. Pettigrew’s house. He kept saying, Come on old girl, up you go. You can do it.

The dirt road’s got ditches on the sides. If a car comes I’ll hide in the ditch. If the Wolf comes ...

I don’t know what I’ll do if the Wolf comes. I’m so scared Lucky is shaking. I tell him, Be brave.

Moonlight is spooky. Shadows jerk when the wind blows branches. I think I see wild animals.

The very first time I seen the Wolf was at our ranch when summer started. He was black. Scary. I hoped he was a tree shadow that looked like a wolf. Then his ears twitched and I seen two yellow glows and I knew his eyes were staring at me. I stared back, ‘cause I thought he’d get me if I turned away. Then I blinked. The Wolf was gone.

That was way before I went to school. I’m smarter now, and bigger. I’m not a fraidy-cat.

* * *

I’m tired.

We got to stop running, Lucky. My legs hurt. I walk and walk. The sky’s getting light. I got to rest before I fall down in the road and get runned over.

I need to hide. I find a path into the forest and follow it, zigzagging ‘round trees that smell like Christmas. We end up in a meadow where a doe is nibbling grass.

Moonlight slips between the trees on the edge of the clearing and paints her white. Is she a ghost? She looks at me and goes on eating. I don’t think ghosts eat. I bet she wouldn’t be here if the Wolf’s here, so I flatten the grass for a nest and curl up with Lucky. I can’t sleep, but it feels good to stop walking.

What’s that noise? My back shivers. I listen hard. It’s windy. Maybe a tree is making that loud Screeeek. There’s a dry rustling sound—like little animals running on leaves. That’s OK. I’m not scared of them. But what if the Wolf comes?

Something whimpers. I turn my head, trying to tell where it’s coming from.

I hear it again.

It’s me.

It’s OK, Lucky. Don’t be scared.

I wish Lucky could talk. I wish he would say, It’s OK.

CHAPTER 3

The Wolf is here.

As soon as I wake up, I know. The sun is high and long beams shine through the pine trees. I feel the Wolf before I see him. Like he’s electricity. I hold Lucky tight and tell myself, I am big and strong. Then I look behind me.

He’s here.

His eyes glow golden. He stares so hard, I’m afraid I’ll catch on fire. He’s bigger than he looked when I seen him at the start of summer. Bigger than when he was on the hill behind Mrs. Pettigrew’s house yesterday. His legs are long and full of muscles. He’s shaggy, with a thick black coat.

My teeth chatter. I want to run. My legs shake too much.

The Wolf walks toward me. I’m frozen. I tell myself, I’m not scared—I’m cold. That’s why I’m shaking. I am making myself brave.

The Wolf swings his head, pointing his nose to the other side of the meadow. I see a trail there. He walks away, then turns and looks at me.

I still can’t move. The Wolf comes back, closer this time. He turns his head away again, pointing to the trail with his nose. Then he walks across the meadow to where the trail goes uphill.

He comes back a third time. He’s in front of me, stretching his forelegs out, raising his rump in the air, putting his chin on the ground. We stare at each other. I don’t think he wants to eat me, but he makes me shake. He’s a wild animal. The air ‘round him feels strange. I can’t picture us being friends. It would be like making friends with lightning.

I can move a little now. I scooch away.

Oh! No! I left Lucky in the grass.

The Wolf snatches him up with his teeth. Long, sharp teeth. He runs off with Lucky.

I’m coming, Lucky! Be brave. I blink hard so I won’t cry. I hope Lucky isn’t hurting bad.

At first I’m stiff. My legs don’t want to work. I’m slow.

The Wolf stops and waits for me to catch up. He keeps Lucky out of reach, trotting away before I can grab him. We wind through the woods on deer trails. Sometimes I see only the Wolf’s feathery black tail. I think he holds it high so I won’t get lost.

After a long time we come to a cabin. The window by the front door is all broke out. The Wolf jumps through it.

Maybe I should run away. Before I can make up my mind, a stool comes flying through the window. The Wolf sticks his head out and looks from me to the stool to the side of the cabin.

Little Red Riding Hood was dumb, thinking a wolf was her grandma. My Wolf has scary eyes and he makes the air tingle, like a storm is coming. I talk myself into being brave. I’m not afraid, ‘cause, if he wanted to eat me, he could of for breakfast.

I wish I could stay brave all the time.

I push the stool against the side of the cabin and climb on it. When I peek in, I see Lucky on the floor.

The Wolf is biting the handle of a big red ice chest. He pulls it up to the window. I climb in and stand on the ice chest. Then I hop to the floor and grab Lucky. I hug him hard. He’s wet with wolf slobber but I don’t care.

The cabin only got one room and it’s all messed up. I bet somebody broke the window and came and stole stuff. The cots in front of the fireplace got tipped over and the blankets are in a ball on the floor.

There’s a counter along the wall by the cook stove. I stand on my tippy-toes and stretch my neck and see what’s on it. A frying pan and dirty dishes.

The Wolf sniffs them. He don’t need to stand on his hind legs. He just lifts his nose up.

He snuffles along the cupboards below the counter and then he paws the knob on a cabinet door. It’s a twisty one like ours at home. When I was little I wasn’t strong to turn the knobs. Now it’s easy. I twist and pull and the door opens.

The shelves are full of cans of beans and stew and boxes of pop tarts and peanut butter crackers and Oreos. There’s a whole bunch of water bottles. I take one out and try to twist the cap off.

I never done that before. We don’t got water bottles at home. We got a well.

The lid won’t budge. The Wolf takes the bottle in his teeth. He holds it between his paws and bites the top off. Lots of water spills. That’s OK by me ‘cause it washes off the wolf spit. I drink the water. It tastes funny.

I open a box of pop tarts and unwrap one. Strawberry. The Wolf looks at it hard so I put it on the floor in front of him. He sniffs it, takes a bite, and spits it out. I open a new one and eat it. I’m starving hungry. I eat fast. My tummy growls. The Wolf stares at my middle and I cross my arms over it, quick. He looks away.

I eat two pop tarts. I’d like to eat an Oreo but my tummy is a little bit sick. The cans of stew got pull tops. I try to open one for the Wolf. It’s too strong for me so I tear open the box of crackers and put three on the floor for the Wolf. He sniffs and eats one, then another. I dump the whole box on the floor and grab some for myself.

The Wolf finishes the crackers and licks his chops. He gets a bottle of water out of the cupboard, bites the top off and licks up the spilled water. Next, he gets another bottle and puts it on the floor by me. He chomps it open and backs away.

I pick it up and take a drink. After the peanut butter crackers, it tastes OK. Near as good as well water. I make a nest out of the blankets on the floor and nap with Lucky. The Wolf lays down too.

He’s so close I could touch him if I wanted. I don’t.

I’m so tired. I want to sleep and sleep, like a bear in the winter.

* * *

I come awake when the Wolf jumps up. His ears go stiff. He races to the window, then he runs to me. He bites Lucky and pulls him out of my arms and leaps out the window.

I climb on the ice chest and crawl over the window sill. When I start to step down on the stool outside the cabin, the Wolf shoves it away. I step onto his back instead. He shakes his whole self and I slip and end up riding him.

I hold tight to the Wolf’s fur so I don’t fall. Lucky is on the ground. The Wolf picks him up with his teeth and turns his head so I can reach Lucky. I grab him. The Wolf trots slow so it’s easy to stay on.

Now I hear a noise, a motor sound. I’m glad we left the cabin. Maybe the sheriff is coming to put me in jail for hitting Dickie and running away. The Wolf runs and I hold tight.  Lucky is squashed between me and the Wolf. When the motor sound dies away the Wolf slows and walks.

The sun is setting and the woods are dark. Bears and mountain lions live here. If the Wolf fights a mean animal I’ll fall off. I hold Lucky close. I won’t let you fall.

The Wolf is running again. We race through the night. I’m getting good at wolf riding. I don’t need to hang on so tight. I’m riding the wind. I’m Super Girl. I can fly!

We run on and on through the woods. I’m tired, but the Wolf isn’t. He’s strong, full of hard muscles.

His fur is warm and soft as a bed. He’s slower now. I almost fall asleep.

* * *

I guess I went to sleep, ‘cause I wake up in a little cave. The dew-diamonds on the bright green moss in front of the cave are sparkling so it must be morning. Lucky is warm on top me and there’s soft grass under me. It smells sweet like hay.

I sit up. Ouch! I banged my head on the cave roof.

The Wolf comes and I remember yesterday. I didn’t dream the Wolf. I’m shaky all over, even my toes.

It’s dark in the cave ‘cause the Wolf’s between me and the light. He looks bigger than yesterday. His mouth opens and I see his long sharp teeth. I try to scrunch back. I can’t. There’s rock behind me.

The Wolf licks my head where it got bumped. His tongue is soft and warm and smooth. I stop shaking.

He smells good, like grass. I seen dogs eat grass. I didn’t know wolves eat it too.

The Wolf trots a few steps away and turns his head to stare at me. I know I’m s’posed to follow but I don’t like being bossed. I have to mind Grandma and Grandpa and my teacher and that’s plenty of bossing.

I hug Lucky and we scooch out of the cave together, real slow. I take my time stretching and picking grass out of my braids. The Wolf looks at me. His tongue is hanging out. He’s laughing at me.

I hate getting laughed at, so I pretend I’m watching the chickadees hopping on the rocks above the cave. The Wolf trots down the path and, this time, I follow. I don’t want him to leave me and Lucky lost in the woods.

Yesterday I was scared of Dickie and the Wolf. I didn’t think about being lost. Now I’m scared I’ll never get home. Never see Grandma and Grandpa again. I try not to cry. My eyes are blurry and I trip on a tree root and fall hard on my hands and knees. It’s OK. The forest floor is soft, and me and Lucky aren’t hurt.

I get up and Velcro Lucky’s paws together under my chin. The Wolf leads us to a stream with rocky banks. A dip in the rocks makes a pool. I climb down to it and take a drink and wash my hands. After I stand up, the Wolf takes a long drink.

Am I the lookout while you drink? I seen Zuti keep watch while our flock feeds. He’s our ram. He’s big and black like you. He’s got four horns.

The Wolf looks at me like I’m smart, the way Mommy used to.

Do you know where my mommy is?

He stares at me.

Or my daddy?

The Wolf looks away, up the mountainside. I look up too, and see tall mountains with snow on top. Beautiful mountains like the ones behind our house. Maybe I’m not lost. Maybe we’re near home. I hope so. I’m hungry.

* * *

All day, the Wolf leads me through the forest. My legs are sore. When I stumble he lets me rest. Sometimes he ducks under me from behind and lifts me on his back. Surprise makes my insides jump, but I’m OK. It’s fun to ride. The Wolf trots and we go fast. Faster than I can walk.

We stop at creeks for water. I wish we had some food. My stomach hurts. The Wolf shows me wild roses and I taste one of the little red fruits and spit it out quick ‘cause it tastes sharp, the way green apples taste.

The Wolf’s fur is all rumpled from me riding him. When I comb it smooth with my fingers, he smiles. I think I’m making him feel good.

I like touching his coat. It’s soft and warm like Grandma’s silky hair.

The sun is setting when we come out of the woods. It turns the snow on the mountain tops pink. I see our house. I run. Grandma! Grandpa!

No one answers. The back door is locked. I run ‘round and try the front. It’s locked too. I sit on the porch and cry into Lucky’s fur.

The Wolf sits beside me and leans against me. He’s warm and his body is heavy. He licks my tears. I push him away. What good is a wolf if Grandma and Grandpa are gone?

He sniffs ‘round the porch, searching for something. I remember the key on a nail in the lambing shed. I run to the shed and the Wolf runs with me. In the shed, I climb on a bale of straw and grab the key.

Back at the house, I put the key in the hole in the door knob. The key is hard to turn but I make it work. I’m proud. I am doing things I never done before.

I open the door. Grandma! Grandpa! I call, but I can tell no one’s home. Me and the Wolf go in.

The house feels strange. I never been here alone.

Mommy? Her name jumps out of my mouth. I know she’s not here. I used to look for her, calling her name. It made Grandma and Grandpa sad.

I go to the kitchen and open the fridge. There’s a big bowl of rice and chicken. I get a spoon and eat a bunch, then I put the bowl on the floor for the Wolf. He eats it all.

There’s a package of hot dogs and a big block of yellow cheese in the fridge too. I give the Wolf the hot dog package and he rips it open. I unwrap the