No Forest for the Wicked

By Dan Schwartz

The once peaceful world of the Sciurini Tribe of squirrels is turned upside down as they become targets of a terror plot. Amid the bloodshed, politics, conspiracies, and foraging, a small band of squirrels must crawl out of the darkest times they have ever known.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dan Schwartz
• Release date: May 22, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463501399

Dan Schwartz

I am an independent author and I am driven by my dedication to nature, humor and the written word. My personal personal philosophy that there is always room for jokes, and as such my writings are always sprinkled with puns, humor, and plenty of things that can be read tongue-in-cheek (if that phrase makes sense in this context). Having strong interests in the environment and mathematics, I tend to craft my tales and works around both and I use writing as an outsource to keep my creativity alive.

Book preview

Introduction

Did you know that there are places in Washington DC that have more squirrels per square mile than any other place on the earth? It has to be true, I read it in a book (as you can now pass this off as truth having just read it). It is for this reason that I can officially declare that the squirrel is the true Americanimal.

Park 1: Falling and Getting Up

Chapter 1

Brad was feeling the itch; the need for speed. The fingers connecting to the white knuckles tingled. Adrenaline pumping, Brad extended his leg and slammed his foot all the way to down while flashing Jenny a devilish grin. She was digging him, how could she not? As the red Corvette neared triple digits Brad had one thought on his mind, and it appeared from the lustful look in Jenny’s eyes that the feeling was being reciprocated. Some people just really like speed and when those people connect magic happens.

Brad took one hand off of the wheel and placed it on Jenny’s leg, which was barely covered by her tight yellow mini-skirt and at that moment fixing his eyes on hers took priority over the approaching bend.

Keep your eyes on the road, Jenny laughed playfully, making no attempt to remove his caressing hand.

Why? Brad toyed. Isn’t the danger the best part?

Brad’s eyes returned to the road, but his eyes were not the only ones watching.

Chapter 2

He took in a deep and calming breath as he always did before action. His lungs filled and he held it a moment. Let the oxygen disperse and let the nerves settle. Exhale and prepare. This was it; this was big time. With this one final act he could be forever immortalized and this dark and crisp night could, no would, go down in infamy. Was he nervous? No, why would he be, other than the mere fact that this final act of his would be more challenging than anything he had attempted prior; but as they say, the show must go on. Right?

Sure he was the best at what he did, he reassured himself, but was that enough? He extended his limbs and arched his back, he needed to stay alert. He closed his eyes slowly and opened them to study his surroundings once more. He had one shot, and timing made all the difference. In a few minutes he would meet his destiny.

Chapter 3

Another set of eyes peered down from above, the beady eyes fixed on the one that crouched along the roadside. Soon you will meet your maker, hissed a raspy voice. Soon I shall too, but I know my fate.

He continued to watch and his hatred intensified. He knew that the time was coming close and although he could not see the vehicle in his line of sight, the loud roar of its engine acted as a count down.

I have dedicated my life and I am about to receive my reward. I am forever grateful.

Chapter 4

Come on, I can drive at the same time, Brad insisted.

So you have experience? Jenny shot back.

Uh, Brad stammered for the right words. No. I just figure that I can remain focused; that’s all. Brad then pushed his foot even harder into the pedal, half out of the embarrassment over the question and half out of a need to change the topic.

What are we at now? Jenny leaned over to check the speedometer.

About a buck fifteen, Brad answered, becoming intoxicated off of the sweet smell of Jenny’s hair. Perhaps he should pull over, he thought, but at the same time did not want to let Jenny down when she was so clearly getting turned on.

Hot, Jenny whimpered. How fast can you go?

That is a question that Brad was willing to find the answer to, but unfortunately fate had other plans for him and all that watched.

Chapter 5

He saw the headlights fast approaching and shuffled his bare feet on the dried leaves beneath. The gentle cracking from autumns offering was soothing to him as it reminded him of home. He welcomed the reminder of why he did what he did, but he needed to get himself back in the moment. Now or never, he told himself. A moment more passed and his thoughts cleared. The sounds of the leaves beneath were drowned out by the deafening blare of the engine; a sound which was enough to make even the bravest of hearts achieve a rapid rhythm, and he was no different.

Standing there studying, with palpitating heart, he tapped his foot and mouthed a few numbers in sequence; all part of the routine. After the technically precise counting in his head reached ten, he set off. He darted out onto the pavement with lightening stealth, holding his breath in anticipation. Maneuvering as only he could, he darted behind the front tire and narrowly escaped it claiming him.

He was halfway there and everything was going as planned. All he needed to do was clear the car before the rear tire passed and he was in the clear and forever immortalized; he would finally make his sons proud. Although he would never admit it, everything he had done in life had been to gain the approval of his two sons. He knew this was opposite of the normal family dynamic, but he also knew that what he had was not the normal family.

He was nearly there, and everything was appearing to be happening in slow motion. He watched as each of his feet greeted the asphalt and lunged off with such skill and the grace of a gazelle. He watched as little pebbles skittered up into the air, firing passed his head like the projectiles of a rifle. He also smelled the smell of burning rubber as he closed in on the goal line of the black wheel; close enough to make out the uneven wearing of the intricate treads and able to tell they were due for a rotation. Then the horrid and acrid stench filled his nostrils, compounded with the shrill screech of breaks was enough to warn him that things were no longer going as planned, and unfortunately he also knew that it was too late. He was never going to have that opportunity to make his only surviving family proud.

Chapter 6

Eagle eyed, he saw the racing red car and the roadside watcher make their respective moves. Also a strong believer in perfection through timing and counting, the numbers rolled through his head in rapid succession and sequence. One, two three, one. One, two, three, two. How great this was that it was him who was chosen for such an honor. One, two, three, three. How great that he would achieve the ultimate gift. One, two, three, go.

He spread his wide wings and stepped off of the branch causing a swift and well telegraphed descent. Soaring down at incredible speeds towards the two primate kids behind the wheel, he kept his keen eyes on his target scurrying about. He admired the spirit that the little guy possessed, but he loathed everything that same spirit stood for. It was not only an honor to be part of this cause; it was an honor to oppose such a worthy adversary.

Squawking as he adjusted his wings to slow his flight he extended his talons in front of him, more for intimidation and show rather than functionality at this point. He could read the fear in each of the humans faces, and he watched with pleasure as neither one in the vehicle knew what to do, the male wobbled the steering wheel and then slammed on the break causing the car to skid and hiss, but it was all too fast. The massive bird collided with the windshield resulting in a glass shattering cave in and a feathery explosion like a raspberry pillow fight gone awry. The car spun out of control and careened off of the road and into a tree, but not before successfully smearing the target across the black top with brilliant contrast, like a painter’s first gleaming stroke on a fresh and pure canvas.

Chapter 7

There are few moments in a forest, with all of its gossipy woodland inhabitants, where silence reigns; this was one of those times. The rustling of wind through leaves on the tree halted and breaths staled with it. Chirping and chatter seized, and scurrying and scampering stopped. What had just happened? Could it be as it seemed? Premeditated, no, right? The same thoughts raced through all the minds who witnessed, and confusion and horror ranked highest amongst what was being felt; then one voice rang out amid the still.

No, Boro screamed as he processed that his father had become permanently bonded with the road. His face twinged and his stomach hurdled this way and that; he was going to be sick and he knew it. He could feel the tears immediately welling in his eyes and he made no attempt to hold them back. The fur of his face was soon matted and messed as his brother embraced him and held him tightly almost as if to prevent him from running out into the open.

Boro, his brother whimpered, and from the strain in his voice in was apparent that his insides were also performing some acrobatics. Ardo was feeling the pain himself, but he knew better than to act rash, and he knew they could not run to their father’s sides. It is not safe, you know that.

But, father, Boro turned with the look of his brother’s betrayal smeared all over his face. He might still be, Boro started but was unable to put the words at the end of his sentence, but his brother knew what he was unable to say.

It is impossible, Ardo spoke softly, turning his head away at the disgust of the sight before him. He is nothing more than a streak.

Was that, a bird? Boro asked with his blank expression remaining.

I think it may have been, Ardo answered and then turned to the rest of the stunned audience who moments before were excited about seeing history made before their eyes. Was that a bird who interfered?

For a short while the crowd remained silent and solemn and scared, but finally a young squirrel, who was the local librarian and a well respected citizen which shocked some given her age, voiced her words confidently and courageously. There was a bird. This was no accident; Hemlock Rudolph was murdered.

Chapter 8

Toby Furrows leaned his head out of the window of his modest nest and perked his ears to enhance his listening potential. He was quite certain that he had heard something resembling an explosion or a crash, but now all that was audible after a brief nothing was the normal sounds of the woodlands. He was almost certain, but then again his week at the office had been very stressful and his mind needed a break.

Toby returned into his den and sunk back into his couch to continue watching his mind numbing television in spite of what he really wanted to do which was sink into a crime novel; his eyes were not up to that task. Toby was not usually one to pass the time with reruns, but his work as an acorntant at the Big Oak during the fall’s fall was always stressful and would have surely turned him prematurely gray had he not been a squirrel. He would have loved to be employed as any of the more relaxing professions such as forager, or crossing guard, but Toby was a gifted mind amongst the Sciurini Tribe and they relied heavily on him to keep proper counts on the acorns to ensure that all mouths were fed during the winter months. At least he had solace in knowing he can always rely on his family to help him escape to peace.

Toby let out a sigh and closed his eyes for some relaxation, but his peace was short lived as his three vivacious daughters bounded into the room and hopped on their pop; so much for the peace they brought, but he would not change them for the world. Toby let out a howl of laughter as his girls relentlessly tickled him from every angle, and his wife, Tress trotted in smiling fondly.

Three daddy’s girls, we have, Tress Furrows shook her head. I wish we had a litter of boys so that you could know how it feels to be left out for a change.

Perhaps next spring we could give it a shot, Toby smiled up from the nonstop barrage of tiny claws. And it was not me who forces their paws, they just like to tickle and I am much more ticklish than you. Blame nature for making me this way, and making you a rock under the tender touch.

Mommy we love you too, Sally turned and with wide loving eyes assured her mother than she and her sisters, Ren and Sam, loved their parents equally as much.

Sorry to interrupt your shows, Tress went on. I know you need your rest, so I was going to take the girls out for a picnic so that you can rest in peace, wait, I don’t like the sound of that.

How about just rest in quiet? Toby said. But you know what; I think I have had enough of the old boob tube, why don’t I join you?

Really? Shouted the three excitedly shrill voices in unison.

Yes, I just want to take a quick shower so why don’t you go to the Big Oak and pick up some food and I will meet you there, Toby said.

Sure thing love, Tress leaned in to huddle up the girls and once she had a full load of three, she leaned in and placed a kiss on the gray forehead of her husband.

Chapter 9

Ardo looked around back at the faces, all of which still bore expressions of shock, including his brother. We should get back to the Dreys and tell the Chief that father was attacked. Ardo spoke to Boro, but he chose to speak loud enough as to grab everyone’s attention. Ardo never considered himself a leader, in fact he never considered himself much of anything, but he always knew what to do when a situation arose, and he always wanted what was best for everyone; especially Boro.

We can’t just leave him there, Boro whined and made another attempt at crossing into the road; his brain unable