How to Hire A Vampire Consultant

By Hollis Shiloh

Steve isn't used to being the responsible party. He's not even a real agent at the Paranormal Research Agency—he's here on parole. But right now, a lot of the PRA's people are missing, and Steve and the librarian might be the only ones who can save them. While she researches like her life depends on it, Steve's running around mopping up monstrous messes. He needs all the help he can get—even from a sassy vampire.  Barnaby the vampire is kind of hot (for a twink), and not nearly as badass as he likes to think. Even if he did save Steve's life. Between the three of them, they might just have what it takes to save the day.

16,300 words - low heat

Themes: gay romance, paranormal, humor

• Language: English
• Publisher: Spare Words Press
• Release date: Apr 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386894179

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About the story:

STEVE ISN'T USED TO being the responsible party.  He's not even a real agent at the Paranormal Research Agency—he's here on parole.  But right now, a lot of the PRA's people are missing, and Steve and the librarian might be the only ones who can save them.  While she researches like her life depends on it, Steve's running around mopping up monstrous messes.  He needs all the help he can get—even from a sassy vampire. 

Barnaby the vampire is kind of hot (for a twink), and not nearly as badass as he likes to think.  Even if he did save Steve's life.  Between the three of them, they might just have what it takes to save the day. 

16,300 words - low heat

Themes: gay romance, paranormal, humor

How to Hire A Vampire Consultant

by Hollis Shiloh

Ifaced the creature alone.

I couldn't remember its name, although you'd think a thing like that would stick with a person, considering the rabid look to it: purple teeth, lots of gooey drool, malice in those tiny yellow eyes.  The body shape was vaguely like a hyena: four-legged, hunched shoulders, small ears.  It had weird spots, mostly skin and a little bit of mangy fur here and there.  All in all, a memorable creature. 

The truth is, I'd never bothered to learn its name.  It was just one of the paranormal creatures they occasionally had to deal with, in the Paranormal Research Agency.  Hadn't seen one in person before.  Hadn't been my job.

I wasn't even a full member of the PRA—until recently, when I was almost the only one left.  I guess you could say I'd inherited the job.  There had always been someone else to be responsible.  I'd been working with the PRA on probation.  It was better than jail time for my crimes.

I manipulate time.

Not well enough to do really cool things like time travel, but let's just say, well enough to break some laws.  The PRA eventually caught me, and I'd been serving my time, bored and not bothering to learn more than I absolutely had to, not exerting myself much at all, until the Event.

We didn't know what had happened, except that it ended up with a whole shit load of PRA agents being sucked into some kind of time pocket or something.  Because of my innate time manipulating ability, I'd been spared.

And now? Now I was in charge of the PRA.

Well, sort of. 

There was one other agent, but she didn't get out much. 

We'd struck a deal.  Until the rest of the agents came back, I'd take care of pounding the pavement, she'd continue taking care of the data and research. 

She was the librarian.  I was the slightly-reformed criminal.

Now, we ran the joint.

I suppose I'd have been happier about that position of power if it had been more profitable for me.  Instead, I was on the hop keeping various monsters and phenomena from killing unsuspecting civilians, while Beatrice anxiously combed through the library, trying to find out how to bring back the other agents.

Normally, I'd have cut my losses and run.  Hey, a get out of jail free card!  But somehow, I didn't have the stomach for it.  I was, in all my slacker glory, still the best agent the city currently had.

Beatrice is probably a genius, definitely the best at her job.  She also doesn't get out of the PRA library much.  I'm not sure she wasn't born there, to be honest.

Together, we've more or less kept the city from falling apart to paranormal forces.  But it hasn't been easy, and I'm about ready for the other agents to get home and take over.  It will be a relief not to be the responsible guy anymore.

Now,  facing the purple-fanged thing, I sighed, thumbed the button on my two-way radio, and said, Beatrice?

Yes, Steve?  She sounded preoccupied, but when wasn't she these days?  Beatrice had the weight of lives on her hands.  She was the brains of the situation, trying to figure it all out.  I was just holding down the fort till then, a stopgap measure till she figured it all out and brought them home.  But I think we were both starting to lose hope of that actually happening.

What's the hyena thing with purple fangs called again?

I could almost hear her blink in surprise.  Um, you mean the gollot?

Yeah, that.  How do I kill it again?

Kill it?  We don't kill it, Steven!  They're endangered.  You trap them in displacement balls till they can be transported safely to protected areas!

I rolled my eyes at the lecture.  Capture.  I meant that.  Never mind.  I've got it now.  I reached for my belt and pulled out one of the displacement balls.  I'd made a joke the first time I