Three Comedies

By David Simons

Apart from The Middle-class Tendency, these plays have not been performed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Nov 16, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477238967

David Simons

David Simons has written many plays for theatres and a Number One tour in commercial theatres in UK. He lives in Winchester, UK

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© 2012 David Simons. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 11/14/12

ISBN: 978-1-4772-3895-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-3896-7 (e)

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Contents

ALL THAT WE LOVE

The Human Touch

The Middle -Class Tendency!

ALL THAT WE LOVE

By David Simons

A country house in Sussex just before the 1st world war

♦ Mr Gerald Fleming – cigarette tycoon

♦ Mrs Sybil Fleming his wife

♦ Marshall their son –

♦ Tom, their younger son

♦ Lucy - West Indian maid

♦ Hester Munroe, an adventuress

♦ Fraser Conway - a shifty character

♦ Servants

Scene 1.

Regency buck in profile, posing.

Jewish vendor in rags. Offering.

Regency buck and Jewish second hand clothes seller

Tableau.

Scene 2.

3.50 pm on a Sunday afternoon

servants come in with tea things. Arrange everything. Flowers etc

cigarettes.

LUCY AND SYBIL

SYBIL: What’s the time?

LUCY: Three-thirty-five, ma’am. He wont be long now, ma’am.

SYBIL: Excuse me?

LUCY: Mr Gerald, ma’am. Your husband. Johnson’s already left. I’m sure the train will be on time.

LUCY MOVES TO GO WITH DUSTER

SYBIL: One minute, Lucy. What makes you think I was thinking about my husband?

LUCY: Nothing, ma’am. Only, if I was married, I am sure I would think about him, if I hadn’t seen him all week!

SYBIL: My dear girl, my husband and I have been married a very long time.

LUCY: And you’re still in love, ma’am, I’m sure.

SLIGHT PAUSE

SYBIL: Lucy.

LUCY: Yes, ma’am.

SYBIL: You haven’t been here very long, and I excuse you. What’s more, you’re from the Caribbean, where people are so much more expressive. But I would rather you keep your speculations to yourself in future.

ENTER BUTLER.

BUTLER: Are you at home to Mr Conway, Ma’am.

SYBIL: I am. Lucy, think about what I told you.

LUCY: I will, ma’am.

SHE EXITS CONFERING WITH BUTLER

ENTER CONWAY

CONWAY: And how are you today, Mrs Fleming?

SYBIL: I’m fine, thank you, Mr Conway.

CONWAY: What a wonderful house!

SYBIL: You always say that.

CONWAY: That is because I mean it. Do they accept you around here? The locals.

SYBIL: Gerald was made Lord Lieutenant of the County. You can’t get much better than that. True, he did not get the knighthood. Yet. But let me tell you something.

THEY SIT

In Glasgow, when we were stationed up there. My husband ran for the local council.

CONWAY: But your husband is Jewish, is he not?

SYBIL: In name only. Of course, that did not stop his opponent on the council from exploiting the fact. The man was a local priest. His slogan was: vote for me and stop the Jew! My husband won. He worked hard on the council. Out every night. Built the tramway system. Was King of the Jews in Scotland, so to speak. Then we came south. We’re completely anglicised now. My husband thinks of himself as entirely British. And he has taught my sons to think the same way.

CONWAY: The label still sticks though, doesn’t it?

SYBIL: Not in England. You know, my husband has never found any business associate who held his Jewish origins against him. England has to be the most tolerant country in the world, its people the most accommodating and kind. These freedoms are truly wonderful.

CONWAY: You have every right to be proud of your husband’s career. And I’m glad I did my bit.

SYBIL: Well, it was you who brought us together, was it not? So you have much to be answerable for!

CONWAY: All good things, I hope.

SYBIL: My husband’s grandfather came to Britain in the 1800’s. Sold second hand clothes on the street. The old myths get handed down, father to son. In this very room, not many years ago, I heard my husband telling his sons the same stories.

CONWAY: What stories?

SYBIL: Oh, you know. How grandfather Fleming pushed his hand-cart of clothes all the way from London to Newcastle, looking for work. Went to Edinburgh and saw the grass growing between the flagstones. Then walked to Glasgow. Began to import tobacco. Well, the rest is history. That’s grandfather up there.

(POINTS TO PORTRAIT)

CONWAY: He looks like a fine gentleman.

SYBIL: I babble on somewhat.

CONWAY: Not at all.

SYBIL: You came to see my husband, did you not?

CONWAY: I did.

SYBIL: Well, he’ll be here any minute. He’s been up in London all week. Johnson has gone to the Station in the car to pick him up but Gerald will insist on driving all the way back.

CONWAY: Well, you know Gerald.

SYBIL: Twenty-five years married this month.

CONWAY: Congratulations.

SYBIL: Thank you.

CAR HONK

SYBIL: That’s him now.

ENTER LUCY

SYBIL: Ah Lucy! You wouldn’t mind waiting for him in the study? Only I want to have a few words with Gerald. About Tom.

CONWAY: Every family has a black sheep, Mrs Fleming. Which my wife has done her best to change colour.

SYBIL: My sincere thanks to Beth. She is a true friend. Was it on business you wished to see my husband?

CONWAY: Yes. I have another hot share tip to make him even richer!

SYBIL: How kind and thoughtful you are. Lucy, would you show Mr Conway to the study?

LUCY: Yes, ma’am. This way, Sir.

CONWAY: Thanks again. Happy wedding anniversary, in advance, by the way.

LUCY: Ma’am is not very excited about it, sir. She and Mr Gerald have been married a very long time.

CONWAY: I beg your pardon!

SYBIL: It’s the Caribbean. Allowances must be made.

CONWAY: Indeed!

SYBIL: Perhaps we are not so respectable as you think! You may offer Mr Conway refreshment.

CONWAY: I do hope I will have the opportunity of meeting your sons.

SYBIL: They are fearfully busy. Thank your wife for me, by the way, For all her help with the wife-hunting for Tom.

CONWAY: I shall.

HONK AGAIN.

CONWAY: And so I take my leave. Dear Mrs Fleming!

SYBIL: Thanks to you.

HE GOES WITH LUCY AND SYBIL IS RELIEVED.

LUCY POKES HEAD BACK IN,

LUCY: He’s here, ma’am.

SYBIL: Thank you, Lucy!

GERALD ENTERS

SYBIL: Welcome back, darling!

GERALD: Mmm, darling! What a lovely reception!

THEY HUG

SYBIL: Isn’t it always?

GERALD: It is.

SYBIL: So say it.

GERALD: Say what?

SYBIL I’m the luckiest man alive!

GERALD: I’m the luckiest man alive! And I am too. When you consider what I have. Wouldn’t most men be envious? A wonderful wife and mother. Two sons and a successful business.

SYBIL: You are a positive advertisement for domestic bliss.

GERALD: Of course I am.

SYBIL: Good drive?

GERALD: In this May sunshine, couldn’t be better. Thank the stars. You know I think that tweak has done her the world of good.

SYBIL: Who, dear?

GERALD: My automobile, of course. Carburrettors are such tricky things.

SYBIL: I wouldn’t know.

GERALD: Of course you wouldn’t. The car simply sailed along. And do you know, this is the first time she’s covered the four miles from the station without stopping.

SYBIL: Don’t you mean ‘breaking down’? I still think you should’ve kept the horse and trap.

GERALD: You’re a romantic. Anyway we still have the gig. If we had it your way, you’d want us to keep hand-rolling cigarettes. Now they all roll off production lines.

SYBIL: My father never would have let you do it.

SHE OFFERS HIM A CIAGRETTE

GERALD: What’s this? You want to smoke the stock.

SYBIL: They’re good for you.

GERALD: I don’t know why!

SYBIL: My father swore by them.

GERALD: Your father was a romantic, just like you (kisses her cheek) (SHE OFFER HIM A CIGARETTE).

SYBIL: That was why he let you marry me. You certainly didn’t have any money.

GERALD: Only because of my father’s…well anyway, he could see my potential. And my background was impeccable.

SYBIL You were descended from a rag-bag of second hand clothes sellers!

GERALD: We all have to start somewhere. If there hadn’t been that internecine strife between my father and my brothers we’d still be rivalling your family for the crown of the tobacco king of the world.

SYBIL: Your father only had problems when he cast eyes upon the fair sex.

GERALD: Whereas I only have eyes for you.

SYBIL: I hope so. I hope…

GERALD: What?

SYBIL: That all this is enough for you.

GERALD: There is a selfish element in all of us, I suppose.

SYBIL What do you mean by that?

GERALD: Well, to make money you must want to make more.

More must never be enough.

SYBIL But everyone says you make money with such charm.

GERALD: Well, it should always be fun! And of course I have good motivation.

SYBIL: Your sons.

GERALD: Precisely.

SYBIL: But I really wish you’d take the gig instead. Autos are so dangerous. They scare the horses. Farmer Stokes’ thigh was pierced.

GERALD: How?

SYBIL L: By that column thing. On the steering wheel. He crashed into a hedge because a horse reared up in front of him. And his wife lost her best bonnet. No, seriously, Gerald, I worry about you.

GERALD: Oh, honestly: there’s no need to fuss.

SYBIL: Take off your jacket. It’s so dusty.

GERALD PEELS IT OFF.

AS SHE GOES OFF WITH IT, SHE SEARCHES THE POCKETS FURTIVELY WHILE HE GETS A DRINK/WHATEVER BUSINESS.

SHE FINDS SOME SMALL PIECES OF PAPER AND EXAMINES THEM

SYBIL: Did you go out Saturday night?

SLIGHT PAUSE

GERALD: I did, as a matter of fact.

SYBIL: With whom did you go?

GERALD: Just some friends.

SYBIL: From work?

GERALD: Some business partners, yes.

SYBIL : What did you see: a play?

GERALD: That’s right.

SYBIL: Next week, will you come home on the Friday train?

GERALD: If I can, I certainly will.

THEY STAND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. PAUSE

SYBIL: Now let me get you a soothing drink before dinner.

SHE RINGS BELL

ENTER LUCY

SYBIL: A pot of tea for Mr Fleming.

LUCY: Very good, ma’am. Good to have you back, sir.

GERALD: Good to be back, Lucy.

SYBIL: Er, Lucy? PUTS FINGER ON LIPS

LUCY: Ma’am, oh yes ma’am

EXITS

SYBIL: That girl will never learn English ways.

GERALD: She’s young and carefree. And all on £20 per year.

SYBIL: Now, are you comfortable and relaxed?

GERALD: What is it you want to tell me?

SYBIL: I think it’s time we found a young lady for him.

GERALD: For whom?

SYBIL: Do you have to be so obtuse?

GERALD: By all that’s holy, I’ve got two sons. To which are you referring?

SYBIL: Gerald, please.

GERALD: That’s my name. Ah, you’re talking about Tom.

SYBIL: Marshall is hardly an issue, as you very well know. He’s as regular as a postage stamp.

GERALD: An odd simile. Look, all Tom suffers from is a bit of animal spirits…

SYBIL: According to you, if only he smoked, it might calm him down.

GERALD: At least Marshall doesn’t stint on the weed.

SYBIL: I think I’ve someone who could be a very good prospect. Someone to settle him down. You want him to do well in the company, don’t you?

GERALD: Of course I do. I’m pleased to say that neither of my boys will ever have to worry about money. What with the trust fund.

SYBIL: Gerald, I’m not talking about that.

GERALD: I was only saying.

SYBIL: Her name is Alice.

GERALD: First you say I think we should find a girl for him, now it seems you’ve been out and found one!

SYBIL: I like to be prepared. You’re surely not suggesting he goes out and finds someone for himself?

GERALD: Of course not.

SYBIL: He’d end up marrying the dairymaid.

GERALD: Or worse.

THEY BOTH COME TO THE SAME CONCLUSION. THEY THINK OF LUCY WITH A SHIFT OF THE HEAD

Oh no.

SYBIL: It could easily happen.

GERALD: Good God no!

SYBIL: I’m so glad we agree. So I’ve arranged to the young lady to come down and spend the weekend with us. I trust you have no objections?

GERALD: You haven’t given me any time to object.

SYBIL: Well, you stayed at your club last night, how could I?

GERALD: Does he know?

SYBIL: Who?

GERALD: Tom.

SYBIL: Of course not, Marshall does and we will inform him shortly. Alice will be arriving by gig from the station this afternoon. I thought we’d give her the pink room. Next to mine.

GERALD: Let us hope she’s in the pink of health. How did you hear about her?

SYBIL: One makes enquiries, dear. She comes highly recommended. Her father is in business. Ships, which I thought would suit you, as you might be able to augment your fleet of four.

GERALD: Tonnage?

SYBIL: I don’t know about that, and nor will she. But she stayed on for a few months after completing a course at finishing school.

GERALD: Where?

SYBIL: On the continent.

GERALD: Oh, I don’t like that.

SYBIL: Why ever not?

GERALD: Advanced ideas over there. I hope she wasn’t in Berlin. A graveyard for the reputations of young English girls.

SYBIL: She was in Zurich. She lodged at a charming doctor’s house, who has a house right by the lake, as I understand it. Doctor’s name was Young. Had a delightful family with five children. He wrote her a charming reference. SHE GETS IT OUT.

HE READS IT SILENTLY

GERALD: My God, you have done your homework. From this, she sounds like an absolute angel. This fellow Young writes: she has helped with my patients,