The Short Stories Of Mark Twain: "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

By Mark Twain

The short story is often viewed as an inferior relation to the Novel. But it is an art in itself. To take a story and distil its essence into fewer pages while keeping character and plot rounded and driven is not an easy task. Many try and many fail. In this series we look at short stories from many of our most accomplished writers. Miniature masterpieces with a lot to say. In this volume we examine some of the short stories of Mark Twain. Samuel Langhorne Clemens was born in 1835 and is far better known by his pen name; Mark Twain. An American author and humorist of the first order he is perhaps most famous for his novels, The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer, written in 1876, and its sequel, The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn, written in 1885 and often described with that mythic line - "the Great American Novel."Twain grew up in Hannibal, Missouri, which would later provide the backdrop for these great novels. Apprenticed to a printer he also worked as a typesetter but eventually became a master riverboat pilot on the Mississippi River. Later, heading west with his brother, Orion to make his fortune he failed at gold mining and instead turned to journalism and found his true calling as a writer of humorous stories. It on these shorter stories that this volume dwells. His wit and humour sparkle from every page, his craft evident with every phase and punctured target. Twain was born during a visit by Halley's Comet, and predicted that he would "go out with it" as well. He died the day following the comet's subsequent return in 1910. Many of the stories are also available as an audiobook from our sister company Word Of Mouth. Many samples are at our youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/PortablePoetry?feature=mhee The audiobook volume of this book can be purchased from iTunes, Amazon and other digital stores. Among the readers are Richard Mitchley and Ghizela Rowe

• Language: English
• Publisher: Copyright Group
• Release date: Sep 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781780005775

Mark Twain

Mark Twain was a humorist, satirist, lecturer and writer. Twain is most noted for his novels Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, which has since been called the Great American Novel, and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. During his lifetime, Twain became a friend to presidents, artists, leading industrialists and European royalty

Book preview

The Short Stories Of Mark Twain

The short story is often viewed as an inferior relation to the Novel.  But it is an art in itself.  To take a story and distil its essence into fewer pages while keeping character and plot rounded and driven is not an easy task.  Many try and many fail. 

In this series we look at short stories from many of our most accomplished writers.  Miniature masterpieces with a lot to say.  In this volume we examine some of the short stories of Mark Twain.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens was born in 1835 and is far better known by his pen name; Mark Twain.  An American author and humorist of the first order he is perhaps most famous for his novels, The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer, written in 1876, and its sequel, The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn, written in 1885 and often described with that mythic line - the Great American Novel.

Twain grew up in Hannibal, Missouri, which would later provide the backdrop for these great novels. Apprenticed to a printer he also worked as a typesetter but eventually became a master riverboat pilot on the Mississippi River. Later, heading west with his brother, Orion to make his fortune he failed at gold mining and instead turned to journalism and found his true calling as a writer of humorous stories.  It on these shorter stories that this volume dwells.  His wit and humour sparkle from every page, his craft evident with every phase and punctured target. 

Twain was born during a visit by Halley's Comet, and predicted that he would go out with it as well. He died the day following the comet's subsequent return in 1910

Many of these stories are also available as an audiobook from our sister company Word Of Mouth and can be purchased from iTunes, Amazon and other digital stores.  Among the readers are Richard Mitchley and Ghizela Rowe

Index of Contents

The Approaching Epidemic

My First Lie And How I Got Out Of It

The Carnival Of Crime In Connecticut

Concerning The American Language 

The Danger Of Lying In Bed By Mark Twain

The First Writing-machines

How To Tell A Story

Luck

Post-mortem Poetry

Speech On Accident Insurance

The Undertaker's Chat

A Ghost Story

Mark Twain In Washington

Speech At The Scottish Banquet In London

How The Author Was Sold In Newark

Amended Obituaries

The Approaching Epidemic

One calamity to which the death of Mr. Dickens dooms this country has not awakened the concern to which its gravity entitles it. We refer to the fact that the nation is to be lectured to death and read to death all next winter, by Tom, Dick, and Harry, with poor lamented Dickens for a pretext. All the vagabonds who can spell will afflict the people with readings from Pickwick and Copperfield, and all the insignificants who have been ennobled by the notice of the great novelist or transfigured by his smile will make a marketable commodity of it now, and turn the sacred reminiscence to the practical use of procuring bread and butter. The lecture rostrums will fairly swarm with these fortunates. Already the signs of it are perceptible. Behold how the unclean creatures are wending toward the dead lion and gathering to the feast:

Reminiscences of Dickens. A lecture. By John Smith, who heard him read eight times.

Remembrances of Charles Dickens. A lecture. By John Jones, who saw him once in a street car and twice in a barber shop.

Recollections of Mr. Dickens. A lecture. By John Brown, who gained a wide fame by writing deliriously appreciative critiques and rhapsodies upon the great author's public readings; and who shook hands with the great author upon various occasions, and held converse with him several times.

Readings from Dickens. By John White, who has the great delineator's style and manner perfectly, having attended all his readings in this country and made these things a study, always practising each reading before retiring, and while it was hot from the great delineator's lips. Upon this occasion Mr. W. will exhibit the remains of a cigar which he saw Mr. Dickens smoke. This Relic is kept in a solid silver box made purposely for it.

Sights and Sounds of the Great Novelist. A popular lecture. By John Gray, who waited on his table all the time he was at the Grand Hotel, New York, and still has in his possession and will exhibit to the audience a fragment of the Last Piece of Bread which the lamented author tasted in this country.

Heart Treasures of Precious Moments with Literature's Departed Monarch. A lecture. By Miss Serena Amelia Tryphenia McSpadden, who still wears, and will always wear, a glove upon the hand made sacred by the clasp of Dickens. Only Death shall remove it.

Readings from Dickens. By Mrs. J. O'Hooligan Murphy, who washed for him.

Familiar Talks with the Great Author. A narrative lecture. By John Thomas, for two weeks his valet in America.

And so forth, and so on. This isn't half the list. The man who has a Toothpick once used by Charles Dickens will have to have a hearing; and the man who once rode in an omnibus with Charles Dickens; and the lady to whom Charles Dickens granted the hospitalities of his umbrella during a storm; and the person who possesses a hole which once belonged in a handkerchief owned by Charles Dickens. Be patient and long-suffering, good people, for even this does not fill up the measure of what you must endure next winter. There is no creature in all this land who has had any personal relations with the late Mr. Dickens, however slight or trivial, but will shoulder his way to the rostrum and inflict his testimony upon his helpless countrymen. To some people it is fatal to be noticed by greatness.

My First Lie And How I Got Out Of It

As I understand it, what you desire is information about 'my first lie, and how I got out of it.' I was born in 1835; I am well along, and my memory is not as good as it was. If you had asked about my first truth it would have been easier for me and kinder of you, for I remember that fairly well. I remember it as if it were last week. The family think it was week before, but that is flattery and probably has a selfish project back of it. When a person has become seasoned by experience and has reached the age of sixty-four, which is the age of discretion, he likes a family compliment as well as ever, but he does not lose his head over it as in the old innocent days.

I do not remember my first lie, it is too far back; but I remember my second one very well. I was nine days old at the time, and had noticed that if a pin was sticking in me and I advertised it in the usual fashion, I was lovingly petted and coddled and pitied in a most agreeable way and got a ration between meals besides.

It was human nature to want to get these riches, and I fell. I lied about the pin, advertising one when there wasn't any. You would have done it; George Washington did it, anybody would have done it. During the first half of my life I never knew a child that was able to rise about that temptation and keep from telling that lie. Up to 1867 all the civilised children that were ever born into the world were liars --including George. Then the safety-pin came in and blocked the game. But is that reform worth anything? No; for it is reform by force and has no virtue in it; it merely stops that form of lying, it doesn't impair the disposition to lie, by a shade. It is the cradle application of conversion by fire and sword, or of the temperance principle through prohibition.

To return to that early lie. They found no

Reviews for The Short Stories Of Mark Twain

[danielstj · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This was a great collection. Mark Twain's prowess with the written word is unparalleled during his period in American literature. The stories resonate with meaning, at times simplicity, power, originality, and perfected description and dialogue. Although there is certain padding in some, and others miss their mark, the overall collection is very strong and worth reading. The Mysterious Stranger, the final story in the collection, is my favorite.

4 stars-- well worth the read.

[blake.rosser · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A lot of material, and I chose to tackle it in chunks over a couple months because otherwise the stories got monotonous. There are some real gems among these 60: a hilarious lambast of Niagara tourism in "A Day at Niagara;" poking fun at feminine hysterics in "Experience of the McWilliamses with Membranous Croup;" a parody of justice and fairness in "Edward Mills and George Benton: A Tale;" and a comic dismantling of military honor in "Luck." I was particularly pleased with his later stories, as his pessimism and hostility toward mankind increased exponentially. "A Dog's Tale," "Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven," and the absolutely scathing "A Mysterious Stranger" are perhaps the best in the book, in large part because they stretch the bounds of Twain's traditional style.

[sgerbic · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Reviewed March - August 2000

As the title tells us this is Mark Twain’s entire collection of short stories written between 1865 and 1916. Some of his stories are wonderfully funny and witty. “Mrs. McWilliams and the Lightening,” “A Stolen White Elephant,” “The Diary of Adam and Eve,” “The Joke that Made Ed’s Fortune,” and the one story that made me cry, “A Dogs Tale.” A few more stunk, “The Mysterious Stranger,” and “A Horse’s Tale.” Several themes seem to run through Twain’s stories...the common man and the trouble he can get into, as well as, “let me tell you about a friend of mine...” He also spends a lot of time with Christian themes, odd because he was an atheist, maybe these stories were commissioned, but if I read with keen eye I notice that he pokes fun at the humor of the ideals of religious people as in, “Was it Heaven? Or Hell?,” or “Extract from Cpt. Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven.” Twain much have spent much time sitting around and listening to people tell stories about themselves, all the while thinking of how he was going to immortalize him into a story some day. I think Twain would have been a political humorist in our time constantly ridiculing our government’s red tape. Who knows? Twain seems to be an insightful clever man who I think privately laughed at all of us.

[jbd1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Some of these are absolutely hysterical. They're not all great, but the vast majority are.