I Heart You, You Haunt Me

By Lisa Schroeder

Girl meets boy.

Girl loses boy.

Girl gets boy back...

...sort of.

Ava can't see him or touch him, unless she's dreaming. She can't hear his voice, except for the faint whispers in her mind. Most would think she's crazy, but she knows he's here.

Jackson. The boy Ava thought she'd spend the rest of her life with. He's back from the dead, as proof that love truly knows no bounds.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
• Release date: Oct 27, 2009
• ISBN: 9781442407343

Lisa Schroeder

Lisa Schroeder is the author of the teen verse novels The Day Before; I Heart You, You Haunt Me and its companion novel, Chasing Brooklyn; Far from You; and the teen prose novel Falling for You. She is also the author of the middle grade prose novels It’s Raining Cupcakes, Sprinkles and Secrets, and Frosting and Friendship. She lives in Beaverton, Oregon. Find out more about Lisa and her books at LisaSchroederBooks.com or on Twitter at @Lisa_Schroeder.

Book preview

A Way of Black

I’ve never

been to a funeral

until today.

I see

dazzling arrangements of

red, yellow, and purple flowers

with long, green stems.

I see

a stained-glass window with

a white dove,

a yellow sun,

a blue sky.

I see

a gold cross,

standing tall,

shiny,

brilliant.

And I see

black.

Black dresses.

Black pants.

Black shoes.

Black bibles.

Black is my favorite color.

Jackson asked me about it one time.

"Ava, why don’t you like pink?

Or yellow?

Or blue?"

I love black, I said.

It suits me.

I suit you, he said.

And then he kissed me.

I’m not so sure

I love black

anymore.

Colorless

And then,

beyond the flowers,

beneath the stained-glass window,

beside the cross,

I see

the white casket.

I see

red, burning love

disappear

forever.

Broken Promises

My mom reaches over

and pulls my hand

from my mouth

where I chew on

the little flap of skin

along the side of my thumb

since I have no more nails

left to chew on.

An ugly habit.

One I promised Jackson

I would break.

I wonder,

do you have to keep a promise

to a dead person?

Mom holds my hand

in hers as the

music starts to play.

Jackson’s

smiling face

appears on the screen

as we hear Eric Clapton’s

haunting song

Tears in Heaven.

It’s not long

before tears in heaven

make their way

to my eyes,

so I close them

for a second.

From out of nowhere,

I’m in his car, by his side.

Music playing.

Windows rolled down.

I kick off my shoes,

put my bare feet on the dashboard

and put my hand in his.

Never leave me, okay? I say to him.

Okay, he tells me.

He squeezes my hand,

like that seals the deal.

My gaze

returns to the

beautiful boy

on the screen

while

my thumb

returns

to my mouth.

He broke his promise.

I can break mine.

I Will Always Remember

The minister speaks.

"It is hard when a young life is tragically cut short.

"But we must celebrate the life that was Jackson’s.

"Look around at the friends and the family

who loved Jackson Montgomery.

You will keep the memory of him alive.

There is one memory

that floods my brain

every five minutes.

It reminds me

over

and over

and over again,

I’m the reason

my boyfriend

is gone.

Memories might keep him alive.

But they might

kill

me.

No Words

After the service,

people get in line

to tell the family,

I’m sorry,

He was so young,

and

Let me know if I can do anything.

I’m one of the

first people

in line

because

I want to get it over with.

His mom is there

and I try to say

I’m sorry

like I’m supposed to,

but the words

won’t come

from my brain

to my mouth

like they’re supposed to.

She looks at me

and I feel her eyes

piercing my heart,

making it hurt

even more.

She probably blames me

like I blame myself.

I can’t blame her

for that.

She tries to smile.

She asks politely,

with no feeling,

because she has to say

something,

Are you okay, Ava?

I nod,

but inside

my heart is screaming

and kicking

and stomping,

throwing a tantrum

like a two-year-old

because

I am definitely

not okay.

She hugs me.

A quick hug.

A fake hug.

An I’m-only-hugging-you-because-I-don’t-know-what-else-to-do hug.

Next,

I hug

the people

Jackson loved

most

in the whole,

wide

world.

His sister,

then his brother.

I tell myself

to be strong.

I should be strong

for them.

But I’m not.

I sob

into Daniel’s

black jacket.

Shhhhhhhhh, he whispers.

You’re going to get through this.

Just like his brother,

thinking about me,

not himself.

After that,

I stand alone

and wait for my mom

so we can

leave.

There is no line of people coming up to me

to say I’m sorry

or He was so young

or Let me know if I can do anything.

It feels like everyone

is looking at me.

What are they thinking?

Do I even want to know?

And then,

like an unexpected rain shower

on a day that’s so dry

you can’t breathe,

there is Cali

squeezing me tight

and Jessa

holding my hand

and Zoe

rubbing my back.

In that moment,

I realize

a circle of love

is ten times better

than a procession

of sorrys.

The Boy

Another procession.

This time,

a line of cars

driving

to the cemetery.

Mom calls Dad

on her cell.

He’s on a business trip in Paris.

He offered to come home.

I told him it’d be okay.

I have Mom, and besides,

what could he do?

I hear Mom say,

Beautiful service ...

She’s hanging in there....

Wish you could be here....

Wanna talk to Ava?

I shake my head

and wave my hand

to tell her no.

There’s nothing to say

that she hasn’t said already.

I guess she’s tired right now....

I make myself

drift back

to a happier time.

Jackson came to our school

in the fall

from a different school

in a different town.

He was the boy

Reviews for I Heart You, You Haunt Me

[cheryl_in_cc_nv · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Maybe 3.5 stars. Accessible & lovely; important & concise. Sure to be a big hit with teen girls.

[carla wesley · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

awesome book

[Fiyi Aranti Tapri · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

its writtten in poemic style which was what caught my attention in the first place...though dont't ecpect it to rhyme.
As I read it, my mind wander to the efforts and creativity behind.
And yes being different can also mean good.
I give the writing style and the creativity a good and solid 4 though the story I can only give it 31/2 cause I don't remember what it was about now-and I just finished it less than one hours ago-otherwise that POEM WRITING that pop up in my mind everytime I opened another book with the same concepts, which is Genius..

[Cecii · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

i just love this book, im the kind of person that don't read much,but this book made me wanna read more

[spazzydragon13 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I Heart You, You Haunt Me was a light, easy, and enjoyable read. It was the first verse story I've ever read and I absolutely love that style. It's so interesting!

The story itself was good. It grabbed the reader right away, played on an interesting concept, and developed into a nice read. I wasn't that happy with the ending since I really did like Lyric a lot. I felt that it could have gone a little farther in the end, showed the main character with a new guy. However, I still enjoyed the story.

So, a short review for a short book. I enjoyed it and I'm sure many will continue to. I'd definitely recommend this for an easy summer read.

[Tiba · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I love how simple, yet perfect the book was. Voice and emotions were tied into a book in an excellent way! I recommend this book to anyone, really!

[MoniqueHernandez · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

loved this book. A book you can read when ever and never get tired of.

[rjwearspants · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book was breathtakingly beautiful. Had to read it for sophomore summer reading last year and it brought me to tears.

[aryno-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This novel in verse is a story of loss and how to recover from it. Ava feels responsible for her boyfriend Jackson's death, and her coping with that and learning to live again was poignant and beautiful. The novel in verse format reads as a stream of consciousness, putting the reader into Ava's head so that they take this journey with her.

[caitlinac · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Okay, so I really went out on a limb buying a novel that is written in verse rather than prose. I was pleasantly surprised, however, that I loved it. The story is so sad but also touching. I think it has a unique yet accurate (aside from the ghost aspect) depiction of grief and loss. I was not really one for poetry before this novel, but for years I had it sitting on the shelf of my side table next to "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson. This book meant that much to me. I haven't yet read Schroeder's other books, but I certainly plan on it.

[jackiewark · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

15-year-old Ava is consumed with grief following the death of her love, Jackson. Jackson took a dare from Ava and plunged to his death in Heaven's Hideaway...an idyllic place with cascading waterfalls and deadly rocks. She is beyond inconsolable and won't let her friends or family help her. When ghostly Jackson starts showing up at her house, she is happy at first, but eventually realizes that it isn't a normal relationship. His 'presence' is stopping her from living life and is feeding fuel to the flame of guilt and blame. Everyone is worried for her, yet it is only Ava herself who can find the strength and courage to move on while never forgetting the intense love they shared.

I Heart You, You Haunt Me is one of the those melodramatic teen novels that tug at your heart, leave you a little teary, but make you realize what teen years are all about. A quick read, it is written in verse, so you can at least move onto something a little more cheerful in a hurry.

[marandaray · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book was so good! and here is why. First, the author did a great job of creating a continuous story that had all the best parts of verse literature. The flow of each poem and stanza was so smooth, it felt no different from a prose story. Next, the story it self had a great plot that maintained smooth levels between actions. My one gripe about the story was the lack of any rhyming or structured poems. It was all free verse. I love free verse, but I am such a sucker for when things rhyme. I really enjoyed the book, it gave me chills, and I am very content with the ending.

[alyssaneely · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

this gives you a mistory but to understand it you have to read all of it

[unrestedfaith · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

quick read.. didn't like the poem layout at all.. It would of been so much better if the story was more spread out instead of to the point. Loved how the ending played out.. just wish there was more to the story...

[nlsobon · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

“In that moment,
I realize
a circle of love
is ten times better
than a procession
of sorrys.”
—Quote taken from page 11.

What I love about Schroeder’s work is that she is able to convey so much in so few words. “I Heart You, You Haunt Me” is no exception.

The story begins at a funeral. Ava’s boyfriend Jackson died, and it’s clear that she blames herself for his death. We don’t know how he died in the beginning as it’s something Ava doesn’t care to remember, but as the story goes along and pieces are slowly revealed – we begin to understand just why she feels as though she is responsible for Jackson’s death.

But even in death, Jackson doesn’t leave her – just like he promised. Instead, he stays with her, visiting her in her dreams, and whenever her parents aren’t around. At first, Ava lives for his visits, but after a trip with her family, where she meets a boy named Lyric, she begins to question what she wants. And whether or not it’s time to let go.

“I Heart You, You Haunt Me” is a beautiful story about love and death. I’d undoubtedly recommend this one.

[liyanna_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The author had the original idea to turn her novel into verse form. Personally I felt it took the flow out of the story, so I changed the poems into full sentences and paragraphs (easy to do with my ebook). Then I could really enjoy the story. It read like a train and I finished it after an hour or so. It ended too soon though, I wanted more and maybe a different ending (not possible maybe, but still...).

[sjgirl-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

3.5 Stars. I liked the format and the simplicity of the writing, maybe in part because I’ve read a couple thick books lately so there’s something refreshing about a narrative that isn’t throwing more at me than I need, the focus is narrowed to the emotion of the moment rather than mired in histories or description (not that I dislike an epic scope, I just kind of needed a breather from it).

Fifteen year old Ava’s boyfriend has passed away, but Jackson hasn’t left her, he’s a ghost in her home. While at first his presence is a comfort, Ava gradually questions whether having his spirit hovering around her hurts more than it helps.

This novel is told entirely in verse, there is the occasional pretty passage, though for the most part the author keeps it understated and clear, it isn’t the sort of poetry where you’ll have to decipher the meaning behind it.

As a skeptical sort of person, I sometimes struggle with coincidences in books, so I didn’t love that Ava and one of her best friends are both drawn towards the same boy, not that it’s impossible for that to have happened, it just felt unlikely under the circumstances, and it also seemed unnecessary to add potentially more drama to this girl’s grief.

Now I know I said that it was refreshing to read something sparse, something shorter, and I stand by that, I very much appreciated the quick pace, that it didn’t waste a lot of time on possibly irrelevant information, however, I did crave maybe five or ten more pages on the very relevant matter of Ava and Jackson’s relationship. Whether through a session with the therapist, an interaction with the ghost, or mining Ava’s memories, I wanted a touch more insight into their relationship. I know that they have this game of dares, I know that he seemed at times to be possessive, I wanted to dig into those two intriguing aspects of their romance since both of those things lean towards unhealthy, and how or if that may have played into Ava’s mental state after his death.

Where I thought this book most succeeded was in the emotion, and it’s all the more admirably achieved given the simplicity I mentioned in the writing, there’s nothing all that flowery in the way she describes the grief, the guilt, the decision to try to heal, to seek help, it’s just presented in relatable terms, where the everyday average reader could go, yeah, I get that, if I’m in Ava’s shoes, I’d feel torn up and just plain torn, too.

[heatherlinc · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

2.5 stars

Once again Lisa Schroeder has written another quick read about love, grief and moving forward. It reminded me a little of the movie "Ghost" with Jackson being there for Ava despite his death in a tragic accident. However, unlike "Ghost" I didn't really like the female character nor the spirit of her dead boyfriend. I found him quite creepy, especially when he started throwing temper tantrums when Ava didn't give him the attention he wanted.

My biggest concern with this book was Ava's emotional response to her boyfriend. She was quite obsessed with him and her life revolved around him so deeply, that I was worried about her mental state. I honestly don't know if a fifteen-year-old girl would react the way she did, which made her unbelievable.

In "Chasing Brooklyn", written by the same author, the grief was palpable on every page, but Ava's grief didn't move me the same way. However, I still think "I Heart You, You Haunt Me" will appeal to reluctant readers in their early teens.

[morgan1226 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It was an okay book, but it could have had a bit of a better story line and the book could have bee

[deweyever · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Ava's boyfriend Jackson is dead, and she knows it's her fault. So when she starts seeing and hearing him around her, at first she's comforted--it's good to know he's still around. But gradually his presence becomes a burden, and Ava wonders whether it's worth giving up on her own life just because Jackson is gone.

A novel in verse, read to kick off National Poetry Month. It's complex enough to avoid the pitfalls of straight-up horror novels (possessive boyfriend from beyond the grave) or grief fiction (girl hallucinates dead boyfriend in order to cope). It seems to move very quickly, which is a side-effect of verse novels, but the conclusion is both satisfying and realistic. My only pet peeve is that the "handwritten" font for the poem titles makes every capital D look like a W.

[mjmbecky · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

In an easy to read and follow free-verse style, the poetry behind the story of Ava and Jackson adds nicely to the tone of what's going on. Considering that Ava is haunted, both literally and emotionally, by her boyfriend Jackson, the poetry adds to the haunting affect that is already established by her deep sense of grief. What Schroeder captures in the story and poetry is sweet, tender, and deep.

Having experienced bone-jarring grief in my life, I readily related to the thoughts and feelings that Ava expressed. Her confusion over what she should and shouldn't be feeling, at what point, and with whom was very real and poignant. Adolescence is tough enough without adding the loss of someone you love to that volatile mix. In short, Schroeder's story did it brilliantly. Outside of exploring grief though, this is a nicely paced story that has a beginning and an end, with plenty in between to keep the reader going. I have readily recommended it to all of my students and will continue to recommend this short little book. If you're at all hesitant about poetry, let this little story ease you and fool you with its narrative style.

[bookalover89 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I didn't want to finish this book......it was too good!!! The verses and the love between Ava and Jackson touched me deeply :-)

[midnightbookworm · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A great book if you're looking for a quick read. Written in verse, so it's different but overall it's a very cute book. 4 Stars: I liked it, but it's not something I could read over again, once you've read it, it's pretty much done. This book took me 3 days to read, but that's only because I only read it during commercial breaks while watching TV, or breaks at work, I think if I would have sat and read it, it would have probably taken about 2 hours, maybe a little longer, but it's a very quick read.

[ladyjai_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Similar in many ways
of death
grief
a hint of haunting
a journey of healing.

I'm enjoying the novel in verse
enjoying Lisa Schroeder
but are all three books
similar in ways
of death
grief
a hint of haunting
a journey of healing?

We shall see
when I read her third
Far From You

[exactement · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I finished this book in one night. Well, being a novel in verse helped I guess, but I really enjoyed the story. It tells of a girl who feels guilty over her boyfriend's death, as she believes it's her fault(in my eyes it was, but whatever). They say that when someone dies with things left unresolved, they can't "move on" until they are resolved. Jackson cannot move on. Whether it be he can't or chooses not to, I'd think the latter. He visits Ava, almost haunts her, when she's alone, sad, but most commonly in her dreams, where they can touch and feel and speak. But soon Ava realizes that a relationship with a ghost might not work out...This book was fantastic. And that's coming from me, Miss I-Hate-Novel-In-Verses-Because-Of-One-Bad-Expirience. It inspired me to read more novel in verse, particularily by this author. I was so glad I read this. You have to! 

[lizard_698959 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

[edit] review
I though this books was not all that great. I hated the little verses that the book was written in. I started reading it and got about 3/4 of the wa...moreI though this books was not all that great. I hated the little verses that the book was written in. I started reading it and got about 3/4 of the way through it and put it down for good. The main character Ava's boyfriend dies which I will say is a very sad thing. However I just couldn't feel sorry for her. I found her character kind of pathetic. I'm so glad I borrowed this book and didn't buy it. Its not really a book more like a large poem.

[maicibmoua27 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

The novel,I Heart You, You Haunt Me by Lisa Schroeder encompasses the theme, "Nothing is ever really gone." I chose this theme because even though Ava's boyfriend had past away, she still feels him around her and in her dreams. In the beginning, Ava and Jackson was just a normal teenage couple until Jackson accepts a dare. Throughout the middle she perseveres through dealing with Jackson's death and then having him around her as a spirit. Ava only saw him in her dreams and glimpses in the mirror, she cannot see him, but Ava knows that Jackson is back. By the end she has learned that Jackson is back because she needed to let go of him and live her life and so she did. (240/240)

[emvuu · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Cute and adorable. Although I could have done less with the cupboard slammings and music tuning. This was a 45 minute read on the train and it is absolutely the most adorable piece of writing I have read The story line isn't depressing even though it deals with death and the main character also isn't obsessive, sad and alone. She tries and that is what makes this book count!

[8f_sam · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book was so random, and sorta boring. I didn't quite get it and the ending was honestly really, really stupid. But I liked the format, and the fact that it was a fast read. I took so long to read it because I lost the book for a while. It's about this girl, Ava who's boyfriend dies. Then he comes back to "haunt" her, and at first she thought it was because he loved her so much he can't leave. But in the end it turns tout to be because he didn't want Ava to feel guilty for causing his death.

[ericajsc · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Many times I start a book that I enjoy so much that it doesn’t take me long to read through it. But it is a rare thing when I read a book that I want to go back through it multiple times to really soak in everything about it. I Heart You, You Haunt Me is both of those. I read this book in a matter of hours, and there are whole sections this book I’ve gone back and re-read multiple times and appreciated more with each reading.
Several books tell a story about a teenager dealing with the death of a loved one. But this is different because Ava and Jackson’s connection wasn’t broken at his death. The fact that Ava has to figure out how to live her life when she’s communicating with her dead boyfriend is an interesting dynamic, especially when Jackson can’t communicate in conventional ways and seems to be confined to Ava’s house. I like the fact that Jackson isn’t haunting her as much as he’s just being with her.
This book cuts straight to the heart. It’s an emotional story, as Ava moves through sadness to surprise and beyond. I continue to be amazed at what powerful stories Schroeder writes. Her words are beautiful, and I love the way she tells an amazing story through the brevity of verse.
To people who are scared of books written in verse, I’d recommend this as a good starting point. Any of Lisa Schroeder’s books would be good (my personal favorite is Chasing Brooklyn), but because of both the story and length of this book, I think it is an excellent point of entry into the world of verse novels.