How NOT to Go Boating: Avoid making a fool of yourself at sea

By Gene Grossman

This is the perfect book for any new boater or any person invited to be a guest on someone else's boat.

It covers all the things NOT to do on a boat, with many suggestions on the proper conduct while aboard.

Also included is an informative Un-Glossary with words NOT to say, when describing things on a boat.

Lots of personal experiences mentioned that show how to avoid becoming a jerk at sea.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Magic Lamp Press
• Release date: Dec 24, 2009
• ISBN: 9781452306346

Gene Grossman

GENE GROSSMAN was born in Chicago, Illinois and raised in the North side neighborhood of Albany Park, where he attended Hibbard Elementary and Von Steuben High School.He pursued majors in psychology, chemistry and mathematics at Wright Junior College, Roosevelt University and Illinois Institute of Technology - all the while working his way through high school and college by playing piano in clubs on Chicago's then-famous "Rush Street."After moving to Southern California, he worked his way through law school playing piano in night clubs and appeared as a musician in seven major motion pictures.While slowly building his law practice, Gene purchased a truckload of movie equipment he rented out to film production companies and then started his own production company which over the years produced more than 50 educational programs on subjects ranting from Boating and Celestial Navigation, to legal subjects (Depositions, Bankruptcy, etc.) Sign Language Instruction and many more.Always having been interested in boating, getting divorced prompted him to buy and move onto a 45-foot Chris Craft motor yacht in Marina del Rey California,.Years later, while serving as navigator on a yacht delivery from the U.S. to Tortola, Gene wrote his first book, "Celestial Navigation for Dummies" (before the popular series of 'Dummies' books was created). He used his own production equipment to shoot a video on the subject Celestial Navigation - "Sextant Use and the Sun Noon Shot" and unintentionally started the nautical video industry in this country.Over the next few years he followed that first title up with more than 50 other educational DVD titles, all displayed on his production company's website at www.MagicLampDVDs.com.Having moved on from doing scripts for his video productions, Gene turned to writing fiction, and now spends most of his time in the marina on his new boat, where he created the 15-book series of 'Peter Sharp Legal Mysteries,' all now available both in print and as eBooks at Smashwords via www.LegalMystery.comIn addition to the 15 Peter Sharp novels, Gene compiled a group of fiction and non-fiction titles that he has either written or edited for others, plus some classic stories: the publishing company he formed (www.MagicLampPress.com) now has more than 60 books in print.The Peter Sharp Legal Mystery Series#1: Single Jeopardy#2: ...By Reason of Sanity#3: A Class Action#4: Conspiracy of Innocence#5: ...Until Proven Innocent#6: The Common Law#7: The Magician's Legacy#8: The Reluctant Jurist#9: The Final Case#10: An Element of Peril#11: A Good Alibi#12: Legally Dead#13: How to Rob a Bank#14: Murder Under Way#15: The Sherlock Holmes CaperThe Suzi B. Mystery Series (a spin-off)#1: ...Sorry, Wrong Number#2: Movie Magic#3: Two Perfect Crimes#4: He's the Guy#5: The Magic BulletsAll 20 of Gene's mysteries are described in detail in a free eBook: The Mystery Books of Gene Grossman: Summaries with the Author's Comments.

Book preview

How NOT to go Boating

By Gene Grossman

From Magic Lamp Press

Venice, California

©MMIX Gene Grossman

All rights reserved

Smashwords edition 1.0 - December, 2009

*****

CONTENTS

Introduction

How NOT to Buy a Boat

How Not to Bring Food Aboard

Mal de mer

Thank you for Smoking

Using Your Head

Divorce, Boating Style

Taming of the Screw

Safe Boating is No Accident!

Just Say No

The Bearing of Gifts

No Help Wanted

Look, but Don’t Touch

No Dumping

The Devil Wears Prada

Are We There Yet?

Un-Glossary (words NOT to say)

Appendix (water pollution regulations)

Special Discount (Rebate) Offer

More Books

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INTRODUCTION

I have two close friends who have both had heart surgery, have difficulty walking, have disabled stickers on their cars, eat like they’re going to the chair, and insist on constantly giving me advice as to how to maintain a healthy body.

It’s difficult saying some things to friends, but I’ve formulated a rule about accepting advice from people: to be credible, it should only be coming from people who apparently know more about the subject than I do, and have followed the advice they are giving me… and this applies to bald barber, obese waitresses, and others who fall into the ‘shouldn’t be giving advice to anyone’ category.

That having been said, due to the fact that I am purporting to give some advice about boating, I think it’s only fair that you know at least a little bit about my boating background… so here it is – a sort of boating bio:

Early twenties – bought my first boat: a 16-foot aluminum runabout that you’ll learn a lot more about in the first chapter of this book;

Early thirties – after the divorce, bought a 42-foot Chris Craft flush-deck Constellation that I lived aboard;

Middle thirties – bought my first sailboat – a 40-foot Newporter pilothouse ketch. Lived aboard that one for two years;

Served as navigator on a Force 50 Ketch being delivered Marina del Rey California to some islands off of Miami;

Rented hull and deck molds from the Columbia Yacht Company and had a 52-foot sailboat built to my specifications. Lived aboard for more than ten years;

Sold the custom Columbia 52 and moved into the house I’d been renting out to tenants for years, replacing the big boat with a 30-foot Wellcraft cabin cruiser, to do my writing on during the week and crossword puzzles on the weekend.

While all the above boat business was going on, I was a trial lawyer, dean of a small private law school, law professor, owner of an equipment company that rented stuff to the motion picture industry, and student of navigation.

In 1982 I took a break from trial law practice and used the entertainment equipment to create a first for this country: a nautical video on Celestial Navigation. This program was followed by ones on Coastal Piloting, Offshore Cruising, Sailing, Maintenance, and then began producing instructional videos for the major marine electronics companies on how to operate their Loran, Sat-Nav, GPS, Radar and Depth Sounding equipment.

About 50 nautical programs later, I retired from the practice of law and began my writing career, first creating the popular 13-books series of Peter Sharp Legal Mysteries, and then numerous non-fiction titles, of which this book is one.

[Shameless plug: I’ll tell you more about my other books at the end of this one]

*****

1

How NOT to Buy a Boat

Back when I was in my early twenties, my first boat was a used 16-foot aluminum runabout that I bought from a Chris-Craft dealer on the south side of Chicago.

Not being too familiar with boats, and it being in the middle of winter, I came up with a brilliant way to test the boat’s seaworthiness: I said to the salesman fill ‘er up.

He tried to explain that this boat had an outboard motor, so all that needed filling was the 6-gallon gas tank near the stern. I stopped him mid-sentence: I don’t want any gas… fill ‘er up with water!

My reasoning was that if this thing could be filled up with water without any leaks appearing, it was good enough for me to use in the coming summer months.

My request got a lot of attention at the dealership, and when the boat was wheeled into a large service area in the back of the repair shop and a hose started to pour water in, just about all the sales crew and other customers stood around watching. At the time I thought they were interested in seeing if the boat leaked, but in retrospect I think they were curious as to what kind of a person