Zero Tolerance Meets the Alien Death Ray and Other (Mostly) Inappropriate Stories

By David Lubar

Once in a while, I'll write a story that contains an item, a scene, or an action that might be considered inappropriate for classroom reading. So that story can't go into one of my Weenies collections. But that doesn't mean it isn't a good story. I've gathered a selection of stories about inappropriate things like stealing steroids, getting hooked on a casino-gambling game, or fooling around with an alien death ray, and tossed in some other tales my fans might enjoy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Lubar
• Release date: Mar 10, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466184671

David Lubar

David Lubar grew up in New Jersey and now lives next door in Pennsylvania. Armed with a degree in philosophy from Rutgers University and no marketable job skills, he spent several years as a starving writer before accidentally discovering that he knew how to program computers. He is now a full-time writer and the author of eleven books for teens and young readers, including Dunk (Clarion Books), Flip (Tor), and Wizards of the Game (Philomel). David Lubar lives with his wife; they have one highly intelligent daughter and three idiosyncratic cats.

Book preview

Zero Tolerance Meets the Alien Death Ray

and Other (Mostly) Inappropriate Stories

by

David Lubar

Zero Tolerance Meets the Alien Death Ray

and Other (Mostly) Inappropriate Stories

eBook edition

Collection copyright 2012 by David Lubar

Cover design by digitaldonna.com

All stories first appeared in Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show.

First Smashwords Edition, March, 2012

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

A Quick Introduction

Big Otto's Casino

Hats Off

Zero Tolerance Meets the Alien Death Ray

Toon Out

Laws and Sausages

Nice Kitty

Jeepers, Creepers, Where'd You Get That Beeper?

Growing Pains

Art Is a Matter of Taste

De-Fence

About the Author

Other Books by David Lubar

A Quick Introduction

I write a lot of short stories. Many of you are familiar with my collections, such as Attack of the Vampire Weenies and The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies. Those books are very popular in schools. Once in a while, I'll write a story that contains an item, a scene, or an action that might be inappropriate for a classroom. So if a story involves bringing a weapon to school (even if it is a seemingly useless alien death ray), gambling in a casino (even if it is in a video game), or stealing steroids (okay — that one is just plain bad), that story wouldn't, and shouldn't, go into the Weenies books. I don't want my books to get banned from any school, and I don't want to cause problems for teachers or librarians. But, thanks to how amazingly easy and inexpensive it is to produce an ebook, I can now share these stories with my fans. By the way, if your parents have a problem with a book of inappropriate stories, tell them, I'm pretty sure the author is using the word ironically. That will both satisfy and impress them. As for the rest of the title, I say mostly because not all of the stories have inappropriate elements. Some are just weird or twisted, and some just didn’t seem right for the Weenies collections. But all of them are good. Enjoy.

Big Otto's Casino

Thanks, Mrs. Zambini, I said as my last customer of the day paid me. Phew. I'd been mowing lawns all week and I was beat. But now for the good part — spending the money.

I stopped at my friend Mike's house on the way into town. It's even more fun spending money when you bring someone along. We headed for Video Kingdom. They had a great selection of games, and the prices were pretty good.

Watcha gonna get? Mike asked as we walked into the store.

I think Destructo III, I said. I heard it has twice as much blood splatter as Destructo II.

Cool.

And that's what I picked from the shelves when we got to the store. It looked fabulous.

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