White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

Written by Dr. Robin DiAngelo and Michael Eric Dyson

Narrated by Amy Landon

The New York Times best-selling book exploring the counterproductive reactions white people have when their assumptions about race are challenged, and how these reactions maintain racial inequality.

In this “vital, necessary, and beautiful book” (Michael Eric Dyson), antiracist educator Robin DiAngelo deftly illuminates the phenomenon of white fragility and “allows us to understand racism as a practice not restricted to ‘bad people’ (Claudia Rankine). Referring to the defensive moves that white people make when challenged racially, white fragility is characterized by emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and by behaviors including argumentation and silence. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium and prevent any meaningful cross-racial dialogue. In this in-depth exploration, DiAngelo examines how white fragility develops, how it protects racial inequality, and what we can do to engage more constructively.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Beacon Press Audio
• Release date: Jun 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9780807032596

Reviews for White Fragility

[flowercreek · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This was a hard read as it was so eye-opening, so tragic, and so revealing. I kept stumbling into my own "white fragility" as I read it: denial, defensiveness, "color blindness", it goes on. But it woke me up to what systemic racism is and how it functions and thrives in our culture. Reading it did exactly what I hoped it would do, it just didn't do it the way I had unconsciously and neatly planned for it to which is why I say it was a hard read. It's the sort of book that's good to re-read at least once. The audio version was done well and calmly, but I want to read the print copy of the book so I can go digest it better.

[librarycin · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

3.5 stars

The author is a sociologist and, for a couple of decades now, has been hired to train employees of companies on antiracism. DiAngelo explains that there is a difference between prejudices (held by individuals) and racism (institutions and society). In The U.S., Canada, and Western Europe where the bulk of people are white, we are raised in racist societies, and there is no way to get away from that. What we can do, though, is challenge it. Be aware of those racist tendencies that will and do happen within ourselves, and challenge it. If someone points out something racist that you’ve said or done, don’t get defensive; this what she defines as “white fragility”, and it shuts down any further conversation.

This was interesting and I don’t doubt what she’s said. It is very difficult to face your own racism and prejudices. There were many things in the book that were repeated multiple times, but in a lot of cases, it’s helpful to have that repetition, especially with such a difficult subject when people want to deny. I will read more on the topic.

[cougargirl1967 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It's very enlightening. It has opened my eyes to a new view of white privilege and my unknowing racism.

[ibkennedy · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Eye opening. Humbling.

[benkline · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is an extremely strong, powerful, and needed book. Its going to get overlooked, and bashed, and hated on by many, especially people of a certain type, voting a certain person into office, ...that type. You know the type, and you know who I mean.

The people you see in Facebook comments who go: "I don't see color." Or the people who say things like: "Its hard being white today! Everyone is calling us out! Its so hard to be us!" .....Those people. And especially THOSE people who voted for Trump; they are the ones who most need to read this. Sadly, I'm sure they are the ones who never will. Its almost like a racism form of Dunning-Krueger. "I have a black friend. I can't be racist." No. You don't have a black friend. You have a black co-worker who has gone out for drinks with you two times, and probably deeply resented that one comment you made a long ass time ago that you didn't even realize you made because you were on Mad Elf #4 and didn't even realize your own inherent racism or racist standards or prejudices or stereotyping.

The people who say, "Its more about class than race" now adays. They need to read this. The people who don't understand, or are unwilling to understand. They need to read this.

Yes. Obvious fact incoming: Racism is bad. Obvious statement is obvious. Lynching a black man is racist. Nobody is equating you (you = white person) with lynching a black man. But there are other, small, unnoticeable (to white people; not to those of color) things that you do, or even accept, that is racist. Being white is not good or bad. Being racist is bad; but unknowingly doing racist things doesn't make you bad or good. It just makes you unknowing, and ignorant.

We are all guilty of ignorance, all creeds, all colors, all spectrums. I'm ignorant of how my car runs. I'm ignorant of how many of the ways in which our own world operates. Sadly I don't know enough about Canadian or British politics. How does the Queen of England even work?! BUT.... I also know, I am ignorant of what exactly it is like to be a black man. I am not a black man. I will never be a black man. I will not understand fully what it means to be a black man.

That, is why, we all, white especially; need to listen. Stop saying auto-reply - #AllLivesMatter in response to #BlackLivesMatter. Stop saying "One bad cop doesn't mean their all bad." These are stupid, generic statements that we all understand. Yes, all lives do matter. But, read the room, understand things, have some level of empathy. KNOW before speaking sometimes. KNOW you are ignorant. KNOW your statement sounds stupid, is off-putting, and demoralizing to many; especially those of color.

We all live in a bubble of ignorance, but we can at least attempt to break out of it, reading books like this - reading books from other people's experiences, books from authors we would never have been given in high school, in a typical rural American high school, where you are given Gatsby, Steinbeck novels, where the only level of 'racism' we get given is To Kill a Mockingbird. Pick up books by Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Pablo Neruda, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Hiroki Murakami, etc, etc, etc, etc. Read. Learn. Listen. Grow.

Talk to your friends of different ethnicity, learn how you are received, perceived, have actual honest discussions with them. SEE how they SEE you. Don't THINK inside your head how they SEE you. I guarantee its not the same. I guarantee you are not HOW you think you. Nobody is, even to their closest friends, to their spouses, children, etc, even to people of their own race, you are not SEEN and PERCEIVED the way you THINK you are. So learn, grow, talk to that one black co-worker you had two beers with three years ago. Ask him "How do I come off? How are things going? How can I be better?"

Read books like this, that show you how to take those steps. Read articles, watch TEDx Talks, learn from people of other groups, religions, creeds, colors, philosophies, countries, learn what their lives are like or were like. Learn what it was like to be a Jew in Germany in the 20s and 30s leading up to WWII. Don't just take it for granted. There is 9Billion some people on this earth, if you aren't reading, and are just watching the spoon-fed Hollywood bullcrap, you are getting about a ~<1% of the world's collective shown to you. Not all blacks live in ghettos, not all gays are flamboyant, not all Jews are money hungry, not all Mexicans love tacos and steal and garden, not all women care about shopping or love shoes, not all X is Y, not all Z are E. Etc. etc. etc.

Learn, grow, experience, and then come to terms with who you are, how you are, why you are. Being white is not a crime. Nobody is saying that. Reparations aren't even required. But understand yourself. Understand your role in society. Understand your placement. Understand your role in racism. Understand how there is an inherent white privilege even when you don't see it, because of your set of circumstances. (Growing up poor white is still different than growing up poor black, or Latino, or Asian, or Gay, or Female, or Male, or brown, etc, etc, etc.)

Everyone was handed a different hand, and even a different deck of cards. Your hand might be great, or it might be horrible, but you might still have a great deck of cards to work with. Or, you might have been given a great hand but still be in a bad deck of cards, or you might have been given a shitty hand and an even shittier deck of cards.

The biggest thing is, we are all in this together. We are all people, and understanding how we can help ALL people, is the only way forward.

[barnesbookshelf · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

White Fragility is a great start and continuation book for every white person's journey to be anti-racist. It made me recognize a lot of my own racist behaviors, and also give me advice on how to avoid those behaviors in the future. There was a point where I had to ask "so how do I fix it?" since most of the advice on where we go from here is in the final chapter. I highly recommend this to my fellow white people, especially if you are open to being informed of how you perpetuate racism, intentionally and not.

[jbarringer-2 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I won my copy of this book free through a Goodreads giveaway.
My cats always seem entertained when I read a book like this because I tend to debate the book outloud as I read. If only I got in the habit of taking notes on paper about my criticisms! But, thankfully, this was not a book I was critiquing for a class. That said, I found this book less than convincing, and its brash, arrogant tone seems calculated for shock value rather than for actual convincing, persuasive argument.
DiAngelo does a decent job of explaining that 'white fragility' exists, and that it is a problem. She seems to have reasonable experience to back up her claims, too, with all her anecdotes about racism workshops and presentations she has led. So, as unconvincing as her book was, I did not come away from this book thinking DiAngelo was wrong. I had some issues with her obsession with Black/White racism, but that is a problem I have with a lot of literature on racism by people outside my region; here our 'big' racism issue is to do with Hispanic/White tensions and legal/illegal immigrants versus citizens born in the US. So, I felt like I was reading a book about a foreign culture, not a book geared towards all of the US, yet this book asserts that it is equally salient everywhere in the US.
I also had issues with this book as a person with Aspergers, which I thought was interesting not as criticism of DiAngelo so much as an observation on how neurotypical-dominant our culture is. I found it interesting to see how DiAngelo says most people think about race and racism, because that too felt foreign, I suspect because she was describing how neurotypical people think about other people.
So, for readers in areas where the dominant race issues are on Black/White lines and especially for readers who are neurotypical, not Aspies/high-functioning autistics, this might be a far more convincing book. It may still be frustrating, since it focuses so much on bludgeoning its readers with the existence of white fragility, while offering very few concrete, useful solutions for dealing with racism. But for the right audience this book might be helpful to at least start some beneficial discussions.

[anniik_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Important

This was not an easy book for a white person to read, but it is an important one. Should be required reading for all adults.

[jemmatcf · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Especially recommended for whites who believe they are not racist. Or non-whites seeking to understand white thinking on racism.. A bit repetitive and not "fun" to read due to some poor writing/organization but still very worth reading.

[akerekes83 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

This is probably the most racist recent book I have ever had the opportunity to read. It appears to be be written by a someone steeped in a race-essentialist metaphysical world view tinted with white supremacy and written for the author's co-racists.

However the author is aware of this fact and specifies her book's target audience in chapter 1:
“I believe that white progressives cause the most daily damage to people of color. I define a white progressive as any white person who thinks he or she is not racist, or is less racist, or in the “choir,” or already “gets it.” White progressives can be the most difficult for people of color because, to the degree that we think we have arrived, we will put our energy into making sure that others see us as having arrived. None of our energy will go into what we need to be doing for the rest of our lives: engaging in ongoing self-awareness, continuing education, relationship building, and actual anti-racist practice. White progressives do indeed uphold and perpetrate racism, but our defensiveness and certitude make it virtually impossible to explain to us how we do so.”

The problem of course is that the entire argument in the book is presumes a racist white supremacist world-view where everyone is a reduced to a genetically determined avatar for a demographic dynasty and all subsequent discussions and solutions are trapped within the same. As is well noted the author applies a Kafka trap to anyone who rejects the racist world view she projects onto them by asserting the denial is proof.

If, like most modern Americans, you were not born in the south prior to 1960 you are likely not her target audience. This book is of little value and may in fact be a net negative. Read only to become familiar with the target audience above my be reading and only then if you have abundant spare time and nothing else at hand to read.

[chuff-155902 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

For a book whose entire theme is the response of white people to being called racist, it does an amazing job of ignoring entirely the consequences that even a mere accusation of racism, much less admitting (with gratitude?!) to racism will have on a white person.

People in general are unwilling to admit they are wrong or that they are bad; this is the source of near-endless bullet lists DiAngelo plagues us with in an apparent attempt to fill the page count. White people in truth are wary of admitting to even a momentary, fleeting racist thought in large part because they are terrified of what happens to them if they acknowledge it, consequences which are very real and which woke liberal thinkers are more and more trying to make only capable of being applied to white people (even though whiteness and therefore white people somehow don't exist).

The idea that white tears are unwelcome because they are somehow a calculated move to bring attention back to white women is incredibly dehumanizing; even calling them white tears is dehumanizing in the same way that saying there's "black sweat" on a shirt or calling what a surgery patient gets on your scrubs "black blood" is dehumanizing.

Whiteness must be real in some sense. We can't go on pretending it is "entirely made up and you're really Italian/Irish" while also somehow magically knowing who is and isn't white. Race is tied at least in part to biology, and that is the fundamental basis for all of this identifying who is and isn't problematic and who can speak for whom. The existence of a good/bad binary is the necessary logical result of insisting -- as she thinks she is creatively doing -- that a spectrum exists instead, along which you can choose to be more or less racist or white; what might astound her is that spectra have two ends, and by necessity those poles, since she's cautioning us to head only in one direction on it and not the other, is good and bad. Surprise!

And to occupy a bubble protected from any consequences of admitting "yes I am incurably racist" would have, while telling us that racial prejudice inevitably and permanently clouds our vision as white people, while also telling us she has managed to overcome that as a white woman herself and that she alone has the objective view we should all adopt, is the unimpressive feat of projection and bulverism that DiAngelo manages to achieve here.

1 star only because 0 is not an option.

[dualmon · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A tough read, but useful perspectives

[cmobrien-320565 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So much to think about.

[write5review · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Change Starts with You

Since its publication in 2018 and constant reprinting right up to now, much has been written about Robin DiAngelo’s White Fragility, both good and bad. It’s interesting that much of the negative commentary focuses on things like DiAngelo’s methods, her diversity training classes, her attitude, that she condescends to Black people (by infantilizing them), that she ignores changing the institutions fostering racism, and the like, everything around the central issue.

That, of course, is that we Americans live in a white racist society, actually a white supremacy society, which reacts badly when Black people push against that supremacy. Further, to DiAngelo’s point, apart from the out and out proud to be white racists, we probably don’t recognize that we harbor racist beliefs, even though the vast majority of us whites where weaned on white superiority. Logically, how could that be otherwise, given, again, DiAngelo’s point about institutionalized racism?

Perhaps you take umbrage at these ideas, but your, to use her term, fragility, doesn’t make them untrue. Just think back on an incident, maybe the protests around the George Floyd murder, or maybe some smaller incident you observed at work, a restaurant, etc. Haven’t you ever felt that little sensation that coalesces into something like, “Of course,” quickly corrected, and then felt guilty about? Nothing to feel guilty about, so long as you are aware and striving to overcome these deep-seated emotions, not to assuage your own feelings but to ultimately make ours a juster society. And that, too, is part of her message.

Some have made the point of criticizing her for not attacking the institutions and practices that perpetuate racism. True, this book isn’t about institutions, it’s about you, the individual. If we can overcome our own internalized racist attitudes then we as part of those institutions can change them. Sure, we’d all like this to go away overnight. But racism in America predates the birth of the United States; it’s over four hundred years in the making here and permeates every part of our society. That’s not something that will change over night nor en masse. It will change person by person. So, why not start now by reading this book with an open mind?

[knittinkitties · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This helped immensely put disconnected thoughts I was having together in my head. Highly recommend.

[arosoff-513117 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I dithered about how to rate and review this book. The content is important and there's really nothing in here I actually disagreed with. I was familiar in general with the concept of white fragility and many of the ideas in the book, so I read it with two goals in mind--one was, did it offer me anything new about the idea, and two, would I recommend it to others?

On point one, not much. That's not necessarily a flaw. The book intends to be an introduction, for the most part, and it does it well, again for the most part. It reads like an extended essay, and it could have been sharpened with some more specific examples.

On point two... that's a little harder. DiAngelo has aimed her book at a specific niche: people who are already progressive but unfamiliar with this specific concept. She tends to write in a more abstract way and doesn't entirely avoid jargon. Clearly, judging by the reviews, this was a niche worth targeting, but I think she could have made her work more approachable. (This is not synonymous with "dumbing it down": I don't think Ijeoma Oluo dumbed her book down at all, but she wrote it in a very conversational, engaging way.)

[erwinkennythomas · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Robin DiAngelo’s White Fragility: Why it’s so hard for white people to talk about racism, is a timely and informative book that teaches important lessons about racism. The author paints a picture of the American society that has been shaped and embedded with a White culture. This predominance is experienced by Americans in all facets of their daily lives. It’s in education, politics, government, media, sports, science, and are the underpinnings of everyone’s experiences.
This ubiquitous culture has impacted conservatives, liberals, and progressives. It didn’t matter if an individual was Black, White, Latino, Native American, or LBGTQ. The main issue DiAngelo pointed out is how to deal with these White supremacy ideas? How can someone become an antiracist? This isn’t easy, since many White people have difficulty talking about race, and won’t admit that they are living in a racist culture.
Because of this whiteness shaping of minds, how can someone attempt to correct this problem? The writer was pushing to have racial sensitivity training as a first step. It will be good for Whites to acknowledge that racism is a serious societal problem. It does no good to sweep this fact under the rug by saying, “I’m color blind. I don’t see race. I’ve Black friends. I march in the 1960s for racial equality, or I’ve been there, and done that, because I happen to live in a racially diverse neighborhood.”
DiAngelo’s message is that White Americans need to grow multi-culturally. They should acknowledge the evils of racism, and learn from equity, and diversity programs about race. They must practice positive perspectives, and empathize with people of color about their experiences of racism. Such a growth the author sees as a lifelong exercise. It never stops. It should be everyone’s goal to banish discrimination, racial profiling, racism, and be racially literate. White people should undertake such an exercise to rid themselves of this social cancer that’s eating away at the fabric of the American society. This perspective will have great benefits, for each American will be able to pursue their dreams, and live to their full potential.

[reader1009-863136 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

nonfiction/race relations
on audio; narrator voice: not my favorite, but you get used to it.
written by a white diversity trainer, this attempts to broach the subject of systemic racism to white people who might otherwise be automatically offended (threatened, angry, etc.) that they may have benefited from the system, and that there is anything amiss with the overall culture of the society they grew up in. As such it is a very tricky thing to pull off, but if people are able to set their first reactions aside and see/hear what this author (who is herself white) has to say, this measured and logical treatment might help open a dialogue..
I agreed with a lot of what she said right off the bat (as a person of color I have both experienced racism and benefited from it) and so thought, maybe I don't even need to finish this book, but I stuck with it and I'm glad I did (she also talks about the trickiness of broaching the subject with folks who may react with white fragility and also being more aware of her own faults--even as a relatively "woke" white person--I also thought this was really good since obviously I'm not perfect either). Thoughtful and interesting and hopefully will help us all make steps in the right direction.

[bookwyrmm_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Approachable look at being white in a systemically racist society.

[kapheine-780159 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

My brother recommended this book to me. It was incredibly useful to me, and exposed to me to a lot of new ideas. But there is one part of it that I specifically want to call out. A few pages into the book, I thought it would be interesting, but came up with reasons for why I wasn't really the target audience. But then the author goes into all of the excuses she has heard over the years, and why none of the white people who gave them are excluded from the topics she covers. The more I read through the book, the more I came to agree with that point of view.

[emscape · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

DiAngelo presents an accessible treatise on becoming a better ally for Black people and dealing with our un-helpful reactions to having racist words and actions pointed out to us. All of us have grown up in a society that reinforced white supremacy and discouraged those of us who benefit from that privilege from confronting it. It's up to us to do better, be better and act better.

[amberluscious · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I am a Xicana of indigenous heritage and Mexican ancestry, I read this book because I was curious about Diangelo and wanted to know for myself what this book entailed. I do highly recommend this book for White identifying people. This book is written for Whites, and to Whites who are genuinely interested in learning about anti-racism and how to do it. It is triggering. It will upset the white persons paradigm of self. It will give a white person the tools needed to be an ally to Black's, Indigenous, People of Color, and immigrants of color.
Diangelo constructs a clear historical, cultural, and social path for Whites. She does a thorough job of citing and referencing Black and POC scholars, activists, and thinkers. Diangelo is an ally and in this book she lays out how any white person can begin the process of becoming an antiracist.

[bodagirl · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Reading this as part of the Community Read. The discussion of these topics really helped drive home the insidious nature of how racism affects my everyday life and perceptions.

[paulmorriss · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Really useful reading.

[drfuriosa · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is an urgent and necessary read if you are a white person, and particularly more so if you are an ally to marginalized communities. Robin DiAngelo writes an intricate and incisive analysis of racism as a systematic structure of oppression that is built to favor white individuals and to suppress people of color. She talks particularly about the phenomenon of white fragility and what happens when white equilibrium is disturbed. DiAngelo is frank and unflinching, and this book made me uncomfortable. That is, according to DiAngelo, not only a good thing, but essential if we are to disrupt racism. Her chapter, "White Women's Tears," is especially vital to understand how emotion can reinforce racism, even if we are protesting racism and treatment of people of color.

PLEASE read this book. I would give it ten stars, if Goodreads would let me. So far, this is my contender for Book of 2018.

[sbenne3 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I found this book to be very helpful as part of a larger group of books/articles I am reading to become more educated on systemic racism. (hint: if you are looking for a shortcut, there are videos to watch that pretty much give you the gist of the book) Her point of view is well researched. While all of the examples did not resonate with me personally, enough of them did that I can see how it will make a difference in my future interactions with people of color. It is academic, but also short! I would recommend this in concert with other reading for a broader viewpoint.

[aevaughn · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

An important concise book that is important for more time. I wish that she had provided more tools to counteract white fragility.

[stevesbookstuff · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A book by a white woman talking to white people about their (our) own role in a racist social system. White fragility is the counterproductive anger and pushback white people exhibit when challenged to examine their own place in society, and how they benefit from America's racist system. If you are a white person there is definitely much to think about and reflect on in this book, but first you will need to be open to challenging yourself on race and racism.

This book is written by a diversity trainer and is based on her experiences in delivering diversity training. As might be evident from the title, it specifically focuses on black/white racism and doesn't delve into other forms of discrimination or intolerance that fall under the diversity umbrella. Its focus is on helping white people understand what racism is, how to understand our own role as a white person within a racist system, and how we can work to counter racism in our own lives. As such, I wish there could have been more of the latter, as four-fifths of the book focuses on defining racism, white supremacy, white fragility, etc., and it's only at the very end that the author talks about what you as a white person can do.

Bottom line takeaways for me from this book are: 1)racism exists (unfortunately hardly news these days), 2) we live in a society with a racist social system, 3) we as white people benefit from that system, 4) we help to perpetuate that system when we don't challenge it's impacts in our daily lives and finally 5) most white people don't understand any of this because our place in society means that we don't have to, and so we (conciously or unconciously) perpetuate this system, and react negatively when challenged on that.

What to do about all of this? I really wished there could have been some "tools" to take away from this book but I don't know what they would have been. The example the author gives of how she handled a misstep of her own was very helpful as a way to begin, but this book is really an introduction - the author does offer suggestions but key among them is more study.

[bookconcierge · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Book on CD read by Amy Landon

Subtitle: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

I’m not sure what to think about this book. I am a person of color. And this book is written by a white woman, trying to explain why it is so difficult for white people have meaningful conversations – and, more importantly, change behaviors – about racism.

I agree with some of her perspectives and applaud her efforts at calling out racism in a tactful manner that is more likely to engender conversation and less likely to result in aggressive push-back. Not that her tactic always works.

I think I’ll wait to write more until after my F2F book club meeting in November. It should be interesting … I am one of two POC in the group, and I think the other will not be available for the meeting.

I listened to the audio because it was the version that arrived first and I needed to get this read for the book club meeting. (At this writing, though I requested the book in JULY, I am still # 21 on the hold list. Anyway … Amy Landon’s delivery was slow and deliberate, needed for the listener to absorb some of the information. Still, I think this is a book best read in text format.

[puritanreformed · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

As a non-white person living in a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural country that is not America, this is one of the most racist books I have read in a while. Under the false pretense of "anti-racism," racist writer Robin DiAngelo promotes the divisive lie that is Critical Race racism, promoting racism against whites under the pretext of addressing racism against POC. Under the flag of "equality," she promotes inequality of opportunity.

DiAngelo is a race hustler. Agree with her at your own risk to your own mental health, and the health of a pluralistic society. The path of Critical Race racism will balkanize America further and destroy her.